Sick Rhythm

Mama, I spent the whole day in anticipation of your wonderful food.

Did you hear those sprinklers we just drove by? They were putting down a sick rhythm. 

Mama: Julian, do you need an interruption? J: Only if you have something to convey. Mama: I do. I want to convey my love for you. J: I already know that. You tirelessly demonstrate it every day -- for the last 18 years. Mama: You are SO lucky. J: Yeah I know.

Improbable Burgers

To be honest, they should really be called "Improbable Burgers".

Remember when I used to think misogynists were masseuses?

These pot stickers have the perfect friction coefficient for dipping just the right amount of sauce.

I'm waiting for your eyes to roll two pi radians...

Mama: "Clean up your mess from breakfast."
Julian: "It's not a mess, it's art. It's Modern Art. Some people would pay a lot of money to see it."

What are you going to do with your life?

Julian: "Mama, could you get me a slide whistle...sometime in the next nine months?"
Mama: "For playing in the Pep Band at the football games?"
Julian: "Yes. A slide whistle is an absolute must. It's a serious gap in my arsenal of wind instruments."

(All 17-year old Julian wants for Christmas this year is a Graphing Calculator):
Julian: "I want the 'ti84 plus ce graphing calculator'. The other model is so 1990s."
Mama: "It's not a fashion accessory."
Julian: "It is for me -- it's the closest I will get to a fashion accessory."

You don't know anything about Trigonometry, Mama? What are you going to do with your life?

The Lost Files from 12/07 (2 years old)

Newly found, lost file entries from 12/07 (aka Juju at two.):

"Close the curtains. My eyes are bright."

My friend Carlos was over and Julian ran into the room and announced "I'm a Polack!"

"I want to listen to The Magic Flute. It's my music."

While looking at an airplane contrail: "The airplane is going fast. It is going out of his skin." (Like the caterpillar shedding in the book we've been reading)

Throwing slippers into the air: "I'm juggling burritos!"

We've made a running route weaving through the house. Julian has a tradition of carrying his wooden sandwich with him and stopping every so often along the route to eat some. "Let's run around!" followed by "I need to get my sandwich."

"I'm a flying bird. I fly way way up high in the sky."

Not a symposium.

Leave me alone, I'm in The Zone, just vibin'.

You've been in my room long enough. What do you think this is, a symposium?

You're harshing my groove.

Hey Mama, hunger compels me!

None of your earwax.

Stop snuffing out my Flames of Youth!

How did you manage to be so incredibly annoying Mama?

(During online drivers ed): Speedometer, doo dooo doo doo do...Speedometer, doo do do do...

You're too enthusiastic Mama. You have to read the mood. Sometimes it's OK to be enthusiastic, other times you need to just chill.

You're so great Mama. I acknowledge your greatness.

Mama: What's so funny? 
J: None of your earwax.

Brainwash

Mama: Is there anything you are feeling grateful for today?
Julian: I'm grateful to have something to be grateful for, I'm grateful to be able to be grateful, and I'm grateful that somebody wants to know what I'm grateful for.

Which superpower would your rather have, Baba? Teleportation or Telekinesis? Pre-cognition or Telepathy? Telepathy could be interesting--you could learn other people's skills, learn languages...  Would you rather be able to manipulate gravity or electromagnetic fields? I find Intangibility very interesting...

I respectfully disagree with that notion.

Isn't childhood just a time for parents to brainwash their kids with their own beliefs?

I'm trying to get my breakfast, but I have to go through the gauntlet of Mama.

A few words from Juju...

Mama, would you rather have legs for fingers, or fingers for legs?

Don't sigh in my general direction.

See that Ninja Chef in the ceiling fan?

It's cold out there. It nips my knobbly knees.

Harvest the power.

Am I as stealthy as a bull walrus on the prowl?

(Stock still, eyes wide): ...Your breath just gave me PTSD.

The stoplight posts here in Denver are so meaty!

Mama: You better pick some good chores to do today.
J: I'm going to be the Chief Lounger.

(Listening to George Benson's "Gonna Love You More"): This is the kind of music I need to get happy enough to do the dishes!

Cheese is the essence of evil...It's the way it looks at you, like it's plotting something.

Mama: I need to go water the garden.

J: Let the beauty of the garden envelope you and push you along in your task.

Do you think you could jump a little higher when the moon is directly overhead? Wait, you can jump the highest when there's a total eclipse of the sun right overhead! And if you get enough leaf blowers under you...WHOOSH!

Mama: All this work is crushing.
Julian: Harvest the power of dark energy. It's what keeps the universe from crushing into itself. It sounds perfect for you!

(While preparing to evacuate):
J: I removed your hard drive, Mama. It's in this basket. Do not drop it! Also, I cut down that little Bay tree that was right next to the house growing under the eave.
Mama: And are you really going to take that giant frog (stuffed animal)?
J: Of course!!!

Not even to the toes yet.

Mama: Julian, time to put away the book and go to sleep.
Julian: I have to finish. I'm in the middle of a footnote. I haven't even gotten to the toes yet.

I don't like my room to be too clean, Mama. That's not how I roll.

The salad spinner spins for 23 seconds with one pull!

Baba, how hot is it out there on a scale of "You should not go unicycling" to "It's OK for you to go unicycling"?

Mama: Julian, how did you learn all that info about fire management?
Julian: I don't know, I just picked up knowledge here and there and stitched it together.

Don’t you love how it feels when you jump in the pool and the bubbles go up your body?

I'll be back in a pinch.

We are all time travelers

I scattered your laundry around your room to protect you from repetitive motion injuries. Also it gives you something soft to land on in case you fall. After all, it's not the fall that's the problem, it's the landing.

Not much can be hidden from a quiet, watchful child with good eyes.

Mama. How are rust and fire similar? Rust is oxidation, fire is rapid oxidation, which creates heat, which is why you don’t find cold fire very often. 

They should invent eating gloves.

Is it possible to paint a room so much that there’s no longer room to live in it?

The oil in Eucalyptus trees is highly flammable. I wonder if cars could run on eucalyptus oil. Eucalyptus oil is too expensive, though, right?

Oopsalan Poopsalan Mobile Hair Salon

What is the solid with the lowest viscosity?

(After some crazy singing): Do you love my beautiful, floundering harmonics?

I like the ideas in Buddhism. They seem very wise. So far, it’s the religion that seems to make the most sense.

Do you ever bet yourself? I bet myself $10 a lot.

I won $10. I just bet myself that you would come up and tell me to take a shower.

We are all time travelers.

Do you know how suction cups work? The air pressure drops when the air gets pushed out. Then the air outside the suction cup pushes against it. Do you know how we survive the air pressure that is pushing on us from outside of us? Because we breath air into our bodies which neutralizes the pressure.

Mama (assessing her newly-baked loaf): Hey, this is killer bread!
J: No, life-giver!

#HashTagLegit

How many eyes do I have, Mama? Seven. Two, plus two in the back of my head, my third eye, my mind's eye and my soul's eye.

When you reach a fork in the road, go to the nearest restaurant.

I'm full. I'm like, totally hash-tag-legit full.

--------------------------
And now, here is something fun Juju and Baba made some years back to gift a friend. The former shoebox had a few goodies inside, too.

Unfair! Preposterous! Totally untubular!

I need to put some oil on my [sunburned] shoulders. They don't hurt anymore, but they're unsightly.

How close would you have to be to a supernova to get a lethal dose of neutrinos?

I wonder how many miles my nose has run.

I learned how to fell trees yesterday. (Been reading County Wisdom and Know-How)

I come over here to put the jam on my sandwich, because it splooshes.

(During heatwave): Mama, should we put out a pail of water for the deer?

Unfair! Preposterous! Totally untubular!

Baba reads Botany in a Day at night and I read it in the day.

J: Do you know how the pistal developed?
Mama: No, how?
J: The fertile leaves got curled in and fused together to protect the ovules.
Mama: Ha! I thought you were talking about guns and you were talking about flowers!

Can you sound mean saying "bubbles"?

Can you sound mean saying "bubbles"? Try it. There's no way to make it sound mean.

I'm supposed to come up with a "big question" for my science project. Maybe calculate the velocity of an unladen swallow?

I'm kind of partial to tetrahedrons.

We used to have a bunch of dried fruit around. And now they're gone...like pickles in the wind.

Mama: Don't forget you're grounded today.
Julian: You might think so, but I'm not, really. I'm in the air, not grounded.

Mama: Julian, please stop squealing!
J: My voice is going to change and I won't be able to anymore, so I want to take advantage of it!

(After giving her a hug): Mama, you've suddenly gotten really short.

Mama, please make more plantains. I love them--make six next time. I think they're stretching out my palette.

Mama, if you didn't know the word irrelevant or relevant, what would you think it meant?

Do you know how to pop your eyeballs out? Go too deep.

What-cha-talkin' about? Shitake mushrooms about!

Thumbs up for thumbs.

We're so lucky to have thumbs! I'm trying to make a breakfast without using my thumbs. It's so difficult!

Sometimes I don't like to see pictures in books, because you end up thinking along the lines of "Oh, I've been thinking of it wrong all along".

Baba: Why don't you eat the pizza European-stye?
Julian: I use whatever finger food I can muster.

Do you know how to manufacture a burp?

I figured out the perfect thing to do an a rainy day. Play Legos while listening to an audio book in a fort in your room.

[Julian told Mama a math problem she couldn't answer. He didn't want tell her the answer, insisting she figure it out for herself.] You're trying to double me up, twist me and squeeze the answer out of me, Mama!

I don't know why I have these sudden excitement spikes, do you?

Suzuki: Wait Julian, I don't see "wash dishes" on your chart.
Baba: Yeah, he was supposed to have a "chores" section on there.
Suzuki: Maybe we should call them "duties" instead of "chores". Better connotations.
Julian: If I do "chores", I get money for them.
Baba: Hey, I don't get money for doing chores.
Julian: That's because you don't have "chores", you have "duties", Baba.

I'm throwing rotten tomatoes at you in my mind.

Wow, that's amazing--honey has such powerful surface tension!

Mama, Baba, you both should just surrender. You shouldn't have to have the last say. I know, it's hard for me, too, not to have the last say.

(Later) Suzuki: I like what you said to diffuse the argument earlier, about not having to have the last say.
Julian: You taught me that one time.

Good job, Mama. You said "sorry" for what you did. You did a general good job.

Julian: What's for dinner?
Suzuki: Rice and bean tacos.
J: Don't you guys have anything else up your sleeves? You've been faltering lately.

Mama, remember the time I put a carrot slice in your pants pocket, and you found it like a year later?

SOLD to the Man With The Walrus Mustache.

I'm not sure why, but I can never say "hi" for someone else (like on the phone, so-and-so says "hi"). It's really hard for me. I can't be a "hi" transfer machine.

I'm going down memory lane with my scars.

I was with a chicken in the garden at school today and I could have sworn I heard him squawking Beethoven's Fifth.

I know you're feeling below the weather, Mama.

I'm almost seventy pounds!

Baba: Suzuki, I don't like that pile of stuff you keep over there.
Me: I hear what you're saying with an open mind, open heart...
Julian: And an open mouth.

Knitting isn't as "clockwork-ical" as crocheting.

That seaweed salad was top of the notch.

Going once, going twice, SOLD to the man with the walrus mustache!

What are volts?

I can roll my Rs now!

Mama, what's your favorite band? Mine is the birds chirping in the morning.

Dark looks and unusable hands.

Don't do that, Mama. I'm looking at you darkly.

How old do I have to be to go on a Vision Quest?

Me: Julian, stop arguing and get upstairs.
J: Fine. But, I'm bristling at you.

Me: Sorry for dragging my feet getting out the door to the party.

J: You put on your osmium-filled shoes, Mama. (Osmium is the heaviest element in the periodic table.) Then, you put on your helium-filled shoes, flew out the door, and Baba and I were like "what happened?"

Me: How do you like the cardamom in this galette?
J: It's kind of demanding, it kind of takes over a little too much.

(Singing): It is possible, but not practical, that I would have to do the dishes!

Everybody calls their side the "good guys."

Me: Julian, take smaller bites.
J: Why? We're not dainty Victorians.

In the 19th century, you used to be able to buy a hot cross bun for a ha'penny. That's one of the reasons it's getting harder and harder to pay for stuff with coins. You almost need a wheelbarrow of money now.

I saw two teenage boys walking together, both on their cell phones!

Laughing takes all the blood from my hands. It makes my hands unusable.

(While planting kale starts): Thrive! Be well! Be constrained no longer!

Me: I know how to make good banana bread.
J: Get on making it. I'm all mouths!

You can't be involved in politics and not know the F word.

Pew, that cheese is stinky! That really takes a toll on my mood.

To me, packing for a trip is related to hoarding: Hmm, maybe I'll need this and maybe I'll need that...

Julian: You could be the next president, Mama.
Suzuki: I don't think so. You could do it.
Julian: Nah, I'd be on Town Council. Or maybe Senator or Congress. Or the National Board of Education. Maybe I could improve the math program. Or maybe a judge. Nah...Town Council.

You can't be involved in politics and not know the F word.

I think I got more of Grandpa's genes than you.

Where the heck in tarnation is my other biking glove?

I'm going to draw my teacher a very fancy flower with a long taproot, like any self-respecting flower would have. There'll be a splash of color on the petals.

Funk music, old-fashioned people, and imperfection.

Mama, I discovered reading War and Peace and listening to Cameo do not mix.

I ran a mile in five minutes and 32 seconds. Is that good? Some people walk their laps. I can't imagine not running my laps. I tried and I couldn't. Even if I'm like, "My ankle hurts, I'm not going to be able to run my laps," I still end up running my laps. I don't know why.

Mama, would you rather be in a perfect situation in an imperfect world, or an imperfect situation in a perfect world?

I have a new mantra, "I clear my mind." You can use it, Mama.

What are yoga mats made of? (Plastic foam.) How did the old-fashioned people do yoga before these mats?

(At good-night tuck-in): Now leave me with my thoughts.

Get in Touch with Your Inner Gyroscope.

What's the gyroscope inside your body? Is that how you feel gravity? How you can tell if you're leaning forward or upside down?

I'm a boss at cleaning. You just got to get me to do it.

Suzuki: Why did you come down here--it's late?
Julian: My throat is parched.

I carved this sword at camp today. I Knight you: Super Poopy Annoying Mama!

Santa Claus should be smarter than to smoke, don't you think?

Open up your vocal chords, Mama. (Laaaa!) No, that's closing them. It's not good to close them unnecessarily. Seriously, we researched vocal chords and even saw a whole creepy slide show about them.

I pogo-sticked to school today. I did 111 in a row no-handed, and 444 with hands. At recess, I shot some baskets on my pogo stick.

(With foam yoga cylinder): Bam bam bam! (Suzuki: "I remember when you were small and I scolded you for pretending to shoot. You would say, "I'm shooting love" or "I'm shooting food to homeless people.") That's just what I was thinking about. I was just thinking it was a Bazooka Cornucopia. Bam bam bam--Hams! Bam Bam--Unripe Apples! Bam Bam--Exploding Grapefruits!

Do you want to see my Lego invention? I invented a new evolution of personal transportation. See, it's a modified jetpack...

Gnome Toilet

Suzuki: How did you size the spot for the candle in this ceramic holder you made a few years back?
Julian: I think it was supposed to be a gnome toilet originally.

When you record yourself, you can hear what you really sound like, not what you think you sound like in your mind. You always think you sound better in your mind than you actually do.

Tobi and I talk about music stuff all the time.

Suzuki: There are four new elements in the Periodic Table.
Julian: What are they? Pedaladium? Stratocastium?

Do you know why there are dimples on golf balls? Without them, they would travel half as far.

Suzuki: Roger and Ellen are such great people.
Julian: They're top-notch!

Do you know what happens when you have two candles and you blow between them? (They'll go out?) No. The tops of the flames will meet in the middle. (Why?) You don't know? (No.) You didn't learn about air pressure in school? Wow, you're not very well educated, Mama.

Let's do some competitive laughing.

Ah, you're reading my mind again, Mama. Lately, when I'm thinking something, you say it right then.

Music Theory and Foot Tape

You need some encouragement, Mama. I'm going to sprinkle some encouragement on you. (sprinkle, sprinkle)

Suzuki: "I thought you said you would get ready for bed right after ice cream."
Julian: "I actually am. I'm getting in the state of mind to get ready."

(On his guitar): Guess what chord this is, Mama? (I don't know.) It's an F. Do you think it's an F7? (I think so.) A dominant or diminished 7? (I don't know.) You know--if it sounds like this....it's dominant, if it sounds like this....it's diminished. You didn't KNOW that, Mama?!

Did you know that sharks close their eyes when they attack so they won't get scratched? They use electroceptors--I think that's what they're called. Did you know they can smell one drop of blood in 10 billions drops of water?

(On his piano): Do you know what chord I'm playing, Mama? (No.) It's a modified F to C chord.

(Gliding along the carpet): Don't you just LOVE foot tape? Wheeeeee!

Surface Tension.

When you get to the north pole, there's no more "north" anywhere, right Mama?

I've trademarked "Douse and Squeal." It could be a dog wash and a car wash. And at the end, you're squeaky clean!

Who, what, where, when, how and sometimes why. That works, right?

Mama, do you know how to turn your computer off using voice recognition? I can show you...for a small fee.

Can I be your (mandolin) capo, Mama? The bridge of my nose would be a great capo, I think.

Put the pie down--don't eat it yet! I need to make a documentary of it first.

(Eyes on some water pooled on a plate): Surface tension! Do you have an eyedropper, Mama?

Faulty Craftsmanship

Suzuki: If you can't seem to fall asleep, why don't you try running up and down the stairs a few times?

Julian: I'm too tired, physically. But emotionally, I'm like ding-dong-ding-dong! It's like a spring-loaded high-suspension ping-pong with hydraulic disc brakes.

Mama, have you ever seen a bike with suspension only in the back? I have, twice, but one of them was in a book.

Can you do this, Mama? My friend Diego can bend his thumb all the way back. My elbow is double-jointed.

If you have any questions about Illustrator, let me know, Mama. I'm a big fan of keyboard shortcuts.

I need to finish "spanking up" my cricket house.

Do you know what the best built-in pad is on your body? Your buttocks.

Suzuki: We have a little time before you have to go to bed. Want to play a game?

Julian: Why don't we bust out our instruments and have some fun!

(While sprinking on dates): I'm "spanking up" my cereal.

How many drops of water do you think can fit on a penny?

This pumpkin pie isn't as good as the last one. It's clumpy and unpredictable--not predictable, like store-bought. I think it's faulty craftsmanship because when I picked it up by the crust, the actual flesh of the pie just fell down.

Ten Year-Old Portal

We're making a movie for Tobi's birthday. Do you know what it's about? Politics. It was mostly Tobi and Diego's idea, but I added to it. We are going to have our bicycle gloves. We need a way to teleport to India, so we'll use "portal gloves." Do you know what our main goal is? To reprogram the missiles, so they won't blow up places like India and Canada. It's also about Donald Duck.

Suzuki: You need to put a bookmark in this conversation so I can get ready for work. Tell me tonight.
Julian: OK, but Mama, just ONE more thing: did you know that the space toilets of today have buttock parters? Because there is zero gravity in space so it's harder for stuff to come out otherwise.

Suzuki: You've been using that word a lot. Where'd you hear "buttocks?"
Julian: I don't know...Queen Elizabeth? That's what it always reminds me of. BUT-TOCKS! (English accent)

My Lego spaceship is going to get resources. We'll use alien resources so we don't have to use earth resources. We'll get awesome materials like ground comet to make really good cement...

Triple-mega-double-decker PLEASE with a cherry on top?

Mama, I have to warn you: I took the springs out of these ballpoint pens and made Lego shocks.

All we need to have a happy life.

Three and a half years ago, Julian met Tobi in kindergarten:

Now they're in a rock band together (that's Julian on the left):

Yesterday, Tobi said: "I remember the first thing Julian said to me: 'Do you want to play airplanes'?"

What's your favorite bike tire valve, Mama? Personally, I prefer Presta because it holds air a little better.

Julian and Mama visited Amma's ashram in San Ramon last weekend. Julian says he doesn't want to wash the clothes he was wearing because he doesn't want to wash off the blessings.

Mama: We should make muffins sometime.
Julian: I want a muffin that's a reincarnation of the divine.

The one part of my body that I wish I didn't have is my belly button.

Mama: Hey, Small Fry!
Julian: I'm not a small fry, I'm a full-suspension sweet potato fry with hydraulic disc brakes.

If you want to blow the dirt out of your nose, first you lift your eyelid on one side and plug your other nostril.

That lipstick makes it look like you're trying too hard, Mama.

Mama (seeing Julian studiously looking out the window): What are you looking for?
Julian: Changes.
S: What changes?
J: Any changes.
S: Did you see any?
J: Yeah. Wind and birds.

Santa Fe, New Mexico: We visited the Museum of International Folk Art. After several hours there, we told him it was time to leave but that we'd come back some day. He said, "Good, because I haven't even begun to be done seeing this exhibit!" The next day we got kicked out of the Museum of Indian Arts and Culture at closing time.

(While listening the Bee Gees): Can you actually decrypt what they're saying, Mama? (No.)

Baba: You people need to learn not to talk at the same time.
Julian: Ideas get out of my head too fast, I'd say. I'm just feeling bouncy and exciting, like full suspension.

I think we should take advantage of the place we live. We should do more bike riding and star gazing. That's all we really need to have a happy life. We have something to do in the day and something to do at night.

Six deep breaths and a full-suspension bike.

The thing about Ryan's legs for biking is they're really good at going fast on flat, but not so good at going uphill. My legs are kind of the opposite.

Suzuki: We'll bring sketch pads to the museums tomorrow.
Julian: What--you're allowed to DO that?! Do people copy them?

Mama, I found out something about my black shoes. You can stand on your tippy-tippy toes in them!

Suzuki: I found you a magic wand at the beach.
Julian: Really?! What does it do?
Suzuki: You'll have to find out for yourself.
Julian: Can it turn anything into a full-suspension bike?

That is radically cool with a butt-shake at the end.

How fast are we driving? (20 mph.) An ostrich can run twice as fast.

Where does humming come out?

Do you know what suspension is really for, Mama? For keeping the wheels on the ground. That's why trick bike jumpers don't want much suspension.

Janusz: Why are you pacing around like that while eating?
Julian: My legs are bored.

Suzuki: Julian, what are you grateful for?
Julian: I'm grateful for feelings. I feel...happy. Just feelings...

If you take six deep breaths, it calms you down. They've done scientific experiments that show that works.

Hey Mama, I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up! (What's that?) A person who works in a bike shop. That seems like a good job. I don't want to be a factory worker.

(Bedtime): I'm going to go lie down now and think about stuff. There's so much to think about...

Perfect happiness.

Q: Julian, what's your idea of perfect happiness?
A: Being left alone when I want to be with infinite books.

Note: I glanced over to see what Julian was reading and here's the first line I read: "She hadn't noticed the six foot harpoon that was sticking out of her chest."

Another Note: Julian came to work with me last week. To be safe, he brought his briefcase and his sword. Inside his briefcase were a couple fat Percy Jackson books and various alternate ties, lapel pins, and a white shirt. (He varied his look throughout the day.) He told me, "I can't take three steps around here without someone stopping to talk to me!"

Julian's skateboarder-holding-ketchup t-shirt.

Jesus sakes, Mama!

If I get all my stuff done and it floods, can I take our kayak over to (neighborhood friend) Ryan's house?

Without books, I would die.

Has any place ever run out out license plate numbers?

It must be getting pretty crowded on Mt. Olympus by now!

Which way does the earth turn?

Jesus sakes, Mama!

[ Julian got a game called Apples-to-Apples at Christmas. I didn't enjoy playing because of the annoying product placement and celebrity references -- also a kind of product placement -- (most of which are lost on us anyway). So Julian suggested removal of the offending cards. So he and Janusz "sanitized" the deck, taking out any cards they didn't like. At one point, I heard Janusz say "I'm guessing South Park is some kind of soap opera."]

Ferocious, non-native, and squished.

Mama, how do you spell "Parliament?" I want to look it up on your iPod.

I'm going to use the butt-smack technique to get myself up the stairs.

Baba's a fungi! Baba's a fungi!

I need to see that Jeep closer. I think the bike on it has disc brakes.

Help, I'm being attacked by a horrid...ugly...ferocious...non-native MAMA!

Suzuki: Janusz, that's not a hug, that's a generic "squish."
Julian (piling on top): Is this a "genetic squish?"

Roger and Ellen have to have math-y brains to plan how to do all their projects (knitting and woodworking).

Sorry I'm so "huggy" today, Mama.

(Tucking Mama into bed early): I almost forgot to sprinkle some sweet dreams on you (sprinkle, sprinkle). And some cozy chamomile...to keep you cozy!

Kidhood.

Mama, do you like inclined planes?

Janusz: Julian, you should play music with your friend Tobi sometime.
Julian: We have different taste in music. He likes rock.

Suzuki: Let's bake something for your school fundraiser fair tomorrow.

Julian: Can't you just give the money to my school? Instead of using the money to buy the ingredients and using the gas?

I have a question for you guys. Mama, Baba, what kind of things do you have going around in your mind? Mama, I think you have music go around in your head, right? I have names and songs. Baba, what do you have going around in your head?

...That was way back in your kidhood, right Baba?

Can I please have some attention in a competitive way, like a game?

Suzuki: I put your cereal in your bowl so you just need to add the milk.
Julian: I didn’t hear the beginning, but I can infer what you said.

Mama, which one is bigger, Nepune or Uranus? Uranus. Wow, "Uranus" must be pretty big!

Mama, you're really good at going downhill on your bike but not very good at going uphill. You need to be good at both to be a good biker.

Suzuki: We're having quiet time until you're done brushing your teeth and then we'll blab and blab.

Julian: We should have blab time at the end of each day...Let's have chit chat time. The first topic will be bikes and you choose the next topic.

l'm Going to Go "Water the Mushroom"

On a walk through the forest, a delicious mushroom caught Janusz's eye. Julian was worried it might be poisonous, so, he quickly peed upon it. It was not collected.

Can you pay bills in diamonds?

(We were talking about paganism.) I think that nature is the best thing to base a religion on.

(We were talking about racial profiling by police of African-Americans.) They should treat them better, because Africa is where all the people on the earth are from.

Suzuki: Bring down another roll of toilet paper, please.
Julian: We need a toilet paper reminder.
S: What's that?
J: Basically, the last piece of paper should be made of sandpaper.

Mama, do you want to see an interesting diagram of a washing machine? Some things seem really complicated until you can take a look at how they work, and then you realize how simple they are.

Mama, look at the bottom hinge of the car door. See how complicated it is? It has different degrees so you can open it in different stages.

Who am I?

Julian went to visit an old growth redwood named Big Tree in Mendocino, CA. I told him that when I was last there, I could feel vibrations coming from the trunk.  Julian: Do you know why? The muscles of the tree are pulling water out of the ground and sending it to the top.

Suzuki: Janusz took Grandpa's ashes to the top of James Peak (on the anniversary of his death).
Julian: Could he see Grandpa from there?

With a hint of PowerBait.

I was riding my bike home yesterday and I accidentally burned some rubber!

[At this point in your life, what could you see yourself being interested in for a long time? Maybe for a career?] A paleontologist or a geologist. And I think those things might be related. I definitely don't want to be an office worker when I grow up, that's for sure! Science, technology, math, music, art. Cooking wouldn't be bad. If I had a farm, I could drive the Kubota.

(Upon tasting the trout they caught in Yosemite, Julian declared it "super good, with a hint of PowerBait.")

Come on, Baba, tell us all the funny stories you have in that brilliant mind of yours.

Don't water that plant so much, Mama. It's a native.

Right now I'm not into fast things so much as strong things. Fast things are too loud. What's the use of a fast car? Strong things are more useful.

[Julian, want to come with me on a mini-adventure?] No thanks. I'm having too much fun right now with paper, pencils, and duct tape.

Let's do something fun. Let's play instruments together. Let's make something up.

Mama, you don't have enough odd colors of makeup.

[How much do you think it rained, Julian?] Oh, about a gallon.

What is rubber cement used for anyway? You know what I use it for? To make fake boogers.

I'm trying not to ride in a car as much as possible this year.

Hey Mama, will you get me a belly button protector? Or will you get me a belly button detector?

[Have a great time at astronomy camp, Julian.] OK, and I'll try to get some knowledge!

When you come home from a long trip, our wood stairs out front smell really good--like home.

Thanks for leaving my skylight open last night. I heard a Peregrine Falcon!

Nine. To the nines.

(Opening his gift using fingernail scissors to preserve the newspaper comics wrapping): I think Grandma taped it so much because whatever's inside it might try to escape.

[The gift inside was the book Physiology and Biochemistry in Modern Medicine (1922) with a secret cut-out bottle shape inside that Grandpa had made long ago.]: I guess "Modern" isn't so modern anymore! And I guess it's shaped like a medicine bottle because it's a book about medicine. 

[For his birthday dinner, Julian asked that we dress up in our blue shirts and insisted we wear pins. He also wore a bowler hat (not pictured). He used some of his own money to extra-tip the waiter at his favorite Chinese restaurant, sadly going out of business.]

(Re: the gift of a mammoth flashlight/spotlight thing, also from Grandma): LOOK WHAT I GOT!!! 

The thing about tongue twisters is that you need to say them out loud or your tongue doesn't get twisted.

Whenever you guys don't know that I have a tooth under the pillow, the tooth fairy doesn't come. I think you guys call her. What's the tooth fairy's number?

I'm going to play the violin because my harmonicas are tasting really bad right now.

Mama, I have two tips for you on your bowing. Try to stay more like this and like this (demonstrating).

Can I play your tender (tenor) guitar?

(Coming up the stairs in the morning): I skipped every other step to help wake myself up!

(When Flycatcher babies were nesting in the eave of our front door): I have an idea. Let's avoid using that door and go around.

(When asked why he likes to go fishing): For the joy of catching the fish and feeding my family.

We're not fishers, Mama. We're anglers.

Mama, do you want to cast off the deck? It's really fun!

Baseball is about losing.

Baseball is about losing. I started reading Grandpa's book about baseball.

I'm neutral. I'm not a little kid or a grown-up.

You know what would be a really important present for me? A disk battery. I put a motor onto a paper airplane and the AAA battery was too heavy.

[At Mama's work, Julian was sent to bring the CEO to a meeting room to a signing of a million dollar loan agreement. On his way there, the CEO said, "Wait a minute, I might need a pen for this." Julian said, "Yes, it IS a signing." Then in the meeting room, the CEO said, "OK, where do I sign?" Julian, pointing, said, "It says 'Sign Here' right here."]

I'm a good dancer. I'm good at the Staying Alive and the Egyptian Boogie.

What's your favorite coordinate?

I'm going to play Twister against myself!

S: Can you find alternative words for rad/cool/awesome that are less boring?
J: How about "fuzzy?" "You're fuzzy. You're smooth. You're silky, Mama!"

---------------------------------------------------------------

POETRY BY JULIAN:

I am from
I am from the jurassic period
I am from the ocean
I am from the color green
I am from my mom
I am from lakes
I am from everywhere
I am from the moon
I am from leo
I am from the night
I am from the sky
I am from fun
I am from Titus
I am from non-fiction
I am from nature
I am from my self
I am from Aikido
I am from my home
I am from Monty Python
I am from Pangea
I am from pie
I am from the number Pi
I am from penguins
I am from peas
I am from model trains

May my heart always be open to Earth, tree, books, school, life, butterflies, superman, model train, baseball, piano, the color green, the water, the redwoods, trains, especially the sound of model trains, my mom and dad, dinosaurs, the color green, climbing trees, nature, legos, airplanes, basketball, summer, fall, winter, spring, world, grass, ketchup, and math. All these things my heart is open to!

Can you hear the ants marching in a line, one line going to their nest and one going to the food source?
I love to hear the bubbles coming out of the ketchup bottle, it goes into the pita where my lamb burger is. After that when I eat it, it tastes good.
Can you hear lizard skittering down my path? I don't recommend catching them because they might have ticks.
I love to hear the alarm clock when it rings in the morning at 7:00.
Can you hear the clicking of LEGOS when you put them together and take them apart?

I love being in nature with trees, grass, plants and animals. I also love being at home with my model trains. It's very nice to make a huge layout with lots of trains. I think it's nice when eating my muesli that my mom made. It tastes soooo goooooddd. It's nice and sweet. I can taste all the ingredients, quick oats, raisins, cranberries. I love it!!!!!!!!

In the stillness of the night I see dragons soaring above the tree tops, with moon light shining on its smooth wings. I imagine little Lego people coming to life, building little buildings and when I am about to wake up they take everything down and make it look the same. On the weekend when I play with my Legos I like to make little scenes with my Legos.

---------------------------------------------------------------

S: You are a good poet, Julian.
J: Everyone is. You just let your words flow.

Sneeze With Your Eyes Open

Mama, do you like arrays? (Would I like a raise?) No, ARRAYS.

I wonder if there is such a thing as a Pronouncing Bee.

Mama, when you grow up and you're a scientist, what kind of scientist do you want to be?

Have you heard of the kind of poker where every time you lose, you take a piece of clothing off? Kristen told me about it.

You're a Myosaurus dinosaur. Do you know what that means? That you're a good mom. A very good mom.

What is your favorite paleontologist tool, Mama?

Suzuki: Can I have a kiss?
Julian: Only if you promise to sneeze with your eyes open next time.

Is there reception on the moon?

Julian (watching Suzuki apply eyeliner): You look weird.
Suzuki: That hurts my feelings.
Julian: I mean, why don't you just look like yourself?

I'm going upstairs to listen to music. I haven't gotten my daily dose of funk in a long time.

If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?

If you were President, and you could change one thing about the U.S., what would it be?

Preserve! Preserve! Preserve The Mama! In Amber! Make Sure, Make Sure She Doesn't Die. Preserve the Mama!

(Pointing to the weave on the rattan): See, I'm like Grandpa. It skipped over a generation.

I like to talk to "X" best. "Y" doesn't have enough concepts.

(To the tune of Woody Guthrie's Little Sack of Sugar): "Little hunk of sugar, I could eat you up." Mama, from now on, your name is Hunk O' Sugar.

Mama, do you promise not to do anything interesting while I brush my teeth?

eight and a half Stink Bushels

Mama, would you please be so kind as to stop distracting me?

What's your favorite animal, Baba? Mine is probably Dust Mite. No, Tardigrade! I'm going to write a story, "Tardigrade Goes to School."

Is there a measurement for stinking, like pounds or miles? That would be so cool.

What's your favorite thing to do, Mama? I think dancing, doing crossword puzzles, and skateboarding are my favorites.

Can you put some more Funk on my music player?

(Whilst snuggling in bed): Let's get in our futuristic submarine. It's got a green windshield. That makes it kind of futuristic and alien-ish, right?

The Julian Inquisition.

How many organisms are in the world? How many organisms are in me? How many atoms are in the world? Do more and more atoms come into the world? No? Then, how do we grow? How many countries are in the world? How many cities and towns and things? Who's alive that has the most farts in the world?

Mama: Those sticks are now off limits.
J: I know where you put them.
M: You can't touch them.
J: I can if I time travel.

Why do we have to watch a movie (drama)? [Because we like them.] Well, I don't. They're too hypnotizing for me.

I can't wait for next weekend. We're going to watch a whole Monty Python movie...and here's the fun part: They have really strong accents!

There could be a game Who Can Smell Garlic From the Farthest? The winner gets a whole head of garlic--or maybe two--and everybody else gets a clove.

Isn't it interesting that you can bring up a concept and a whole conversation just pops up? Because the chains link. Sometimes they can go on for hours. Hey, no writing down!

Could we ever be completely touching? [Well, I guess we were when you were inside me.] But didn't we have force fields around us? [Maybe so.] It was nice being there. You didn't have to pay taxes, there's good food, a nice temperature. I never got sick, I don't think.

Merry Christmas from Julian.

Noisemakers and flying tanks.

(on trampoline) What if I jumped up to the moon and came down so fast that I didn't get burned by the atmosphere. And I didn't even take a breath? Actually, I just took one breath to have enough courage to make it back!

You know what's useful? When I drop something (eating food at the table), my legs go magically in!

("Boob Man," who has good milk and poisonous milk, plus a giant skateboard, flying tank, etc.)

I'm a caveman with modern tools.

In my class, I'm the one that savors things the most (food).

You know what my favorite thing in the world is? I mean, I like Legos, but my favorite thing is getting attention from Mama!

When are you coming back upstairs? Three moments equals a while, remember that.

I think they should put noisemakers in electric cars...not too loud.

I don't want to eat anymore before Aikido class. Tell Baba that and tell him very firmly.

(Me: What's your favorite fruit?) I think coconut is a genius fruit. You can use the shell as a bowl, you can drink the milk, and eat the flesh.

Oddness, Continued.

Let's have an opera of burps!

Yesterday I looked up a bad word in the dictionary. The F word. (What did it say?) I don't remember. (So we looked it up again. Intransitive verb, transitive verb, noun, AND interjection!)

I think of Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday as even days and Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday as odd ones. I don't know why.

(Sometimes you have tantrums when you don't want to do what we ask you to, Julian.) That's because I always plan out my days.

Double-pleases help you get what you want.

A man walks into a bar and says ouch. Why does he say ouch? Because he walks into a bar!

Blue fuzz and electrical cords. And a side of poo.

I want you to tuck me in real tight tonight. Can you bungee-cord my sheets around me so they will stay on?

This is a nice dictionary. (Mama: You can have it if you like. I never use it anymore, I just look stuff up online.) I'll show my kids some day. "This is how we used to look up words."

(Julian has been bringing his teddy bear Baby Love to school in his backpack this week.) Baby Love has ear chips. He can hear everything from inside the backpack. I have a microphone and we can talk with each other. He can hear everything in my class so he knows a lot. I don't have a Far-Away System so he can't hear from home. It only extends to about the school grounds.

Baby Love is singing Grandpa's favorite song! "zippity doo dah, zippity ay..."

(Julian has been carrying around a small ball of blue fuzz in his pocket that he says is a piece of the sky. He apparently grabbed it while jumping on the trampoline.)

I think of these like red crystals, Mama. Don't they look like red rubies growing in a cave? (pomegranate seeds)

AND I JUST FOUND THIS SERIES FROM 9/12 THAT I FORGOT TO POST THEN:

This huge sunflower is the logo of my writing. On cards, I usually put it on the back.

I'm going to get a quarter cup of poo for my recipe. It's not for humans, it's a recipe for flies.

(Prior to Tobi's Star Wars birthday party)
Suzuki: Julian, let's wash you hair.
Julian: We don't need to. It'll look more Star War-ish. Because Jedis' hair is more dusty.

Julian: Did you know that if there's a crack in a cord, it doesn't matter? Do you know why? Because the electricity doesn't stop just because there's a crack. It just goes through if there's something covering it.
Suzuki: Why are you thinking of that?
Julian: I was just thinking about electricity. And electrical tape. And cords.

Did you know you're always touching something? Even if you're naked and you're jumping, you're always touching something.

Are there elements that haven't been discovered yet? (Yes.) Are they in places that are hard to get to, like big caves?

(Julian was snickering to himself.)
Suzuki: What are you thinking about? What's so funny?
Julian: Oh, I was just thinking something funny. I was thinking about some flowers that are electric and they sway back and forth, like there's wind. And the petals are going around like those windmills and they're making the wind!

Sing it again (and again), Sam.

Julian wearing the groom's hat at Marla and Bruce's wedding

I know someone who wore the same socks for eleven days and I think he wore them longer but I can guarantee he wore them for eleven days.

J: (sigh) I can't wait for school to get back. I like camp, but I like school better.
S: What do you like about it?
J: Learning.
S: Learning is pretty exciting.
J: It's more exciting for me than some. Tobi and I both love learning. Tobi is better than me at math but we're about the same in reading. Tobi is really good at explaining math. He is really patient, not like me. You have to be really patient to explain about math.

(at the hospital with his grandpa):
S: You could go run around outside now.
J: No, I'm staying with Grandma. Where she goes, I go.

If you sing a song, always sing it three times. Once for the people before you, once for the people now, and once for the people who come after you. (I assume Julian picked this up from his nature camp, where they have been learning Native American traditions and skills.)

Suzuki: If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?
Julian: I think my life is perfect the way it is. (pause...) I would have more playdates.

Julie is the same age as Janusz. She is really funny and bright for her age.

J: What should we talk about?
S: The meaning of life.
J: No, let's talk about what I should do for work.

(Perhaps auto mechanic? My car's "check your tires" light went on a couple days after I had my car serviced. I said, "Darn, now I have to go back and have them check my tires." Julian said, "They probably just forgot to reset the button after checking the tires. I know how to do it. There's a RESET button in the little trunk that's in front of the passenger's seat (the glove compartment) and you just push it." He had read it in the manual. And it did work!)

IRISH WRIST WATCH

Today, I was reading about this volcano that's been erupting in Hawaii for 30 years! The lava is oozing out. It's not one of those with explosions--it's oozing out into the ocean. It's the only place that new land is being created.

Suzuki: Your face got skinny since you've been so sick all last week.
Julian: I know. I like it better because it looks more like a head instead of like a ball.

The hole on the top of the whale used to be its nose. It moved back over time.

Say this five times fast: IRISH WRIST WATCH!

The funniest thing would be to put a bunch of clothes on the ceiling fan (blades) and then turn the fan on. Maybe we could do that for my birthday party.

Did you know that blood isn't really liquid? It's those little round things that are kind of flat. (Suzuki: Blood cells?) I saw this thing that was as small as a blood cell that had arms that held the cell and a thing came up over the top and gave it a shot! (A tiny robot.)

Come on, Smiley Face! Let's drive the plane to Mexico. But first we have to stop at a couple other places to help with the violence. (Suzuki: We can help stop the violence?) Yes, with our smiley faces and other stuff.

I can't wait until I can drive. Anyways, I already know how.

I found something to make my hair look good. Orange juice! [He's been "styling" it with juice from school.]

You know how in Mexico, the graves have those little pots for flowers? If you had a grave there, I would plant flowers for you and take care of them and water them every day. I'd make a little sprinkler system.

I really like this bracelet we made at Nature After School. It's (braided) deerskin. They rub the animal's brains all over it to tan it.

Tobi would make an excellent school teacher. He's got lots of patience!

Suzuki: I can't play catch with you now because I have other fish to fry.
Julian: I can help you fry them! I can help you with anything you're doing.

(While discussing the fugitive Dmitri Storm): When he was young, did he know he was going to be a robber? How did he become one?

Slow Food, Julian Style

I got inspired yesterday in Miss Julie's class. I made a tree with lots of texture on it and my friends said they really liked it and so I got inspired to make Baba a tree for his birthday.

Baba has such a small repertoire. He has so many clothes that he never wears.

I am a really good origami person.

Mama:  I'm not made of money, you know.
J:  I know you're not made of money, you're made of music.

I like how the flavors in this soup go together. Nothing like pops out. It's not black and white.

Mama:  Julian, I like that little theme you composed on the piano.
J:  When you get good at photographing, we'll make a movie and I'll write the theme song.

Sometimes I catch myself doing something random.

Don't eat so fast. You'll be able to get more taste out of it.

Mama:  When are you going to be grown-up enough for us to get a new table (that you won't scratch)?
J:  In three weeks, two days, at ten o'clock and 50 seconds.

Let's make a human knot.

A triple-sound-proof room will be required.

When I die, I know what I want to do with my body. I want it to go to a party for me.

Suzuki (watching Julian chop bok choy): So, are you "knife-certified?"
Julian: Yes.
S: So, you got certified at camp?
J: No, I just got good at it in my "late six."

(Hugging Mama) We agree on this.

S: You have a pretty good vocabulary, Julian.
J: I use words even if I don't know them. I just estimate what they mean.

Janusz: Everyone has a TV.
Suzuki: Not everybody.
Julian: Not old-style people, like us.

I went from dancing to laughing to coughing.

We can build a machine that brings David and Julie over every day. It goes really fast. It breaks first, then you start flumping along and then you fall out, then you get back in. And you make sure your instruments are all OK and you start up again and you go flumpety-flumpety-flump until the thing breaks. And then you're here!

I'm your "eggy."

When I have kids, I'm not going to tell them about sugar. I'm just going to feed them healthy stuff.

Julian(discussing what instrument he'll play when he's in 5th grade): How about the fog horn? That's cool. I would play in a triple-sound-proof room, but the whole world would shake! Uh-oh, the earth is no longer in the sun's orbit!

Let's do some really good snuggling. (Hugging) I'm giving you all the love I have for you. All my love.

A barnacle-made-for-two.

You know what I'm interested in and like to think about? Getting all of the somethings in the world and putting them in one place. Like all the chickens in the world. Putting them here. Maybe one flock of chickens would take up our whole living room.

You are the socket of my eye.

I can't be a foot away from you, Mama. Let's be a barnacle-made-for-two.

Let's just take our hate and put it in the garbage. Actually, the compost, so it can turn into something good.

[dressed up with a tie and pin-striped vest] I'm a hotel manager! (What do you do as hotel manager?) I...uh...look for walls that aren't that good and I replace them. I use a sledgehammer!

You know what I want for my birthday? A sledgehammer.

[at the Food Bank, in honor of MLK] We're not leaving until this place is BLAZING clean!

I'm going to have 100 kids. And Mama, you will have to make breakfast for them. Actually, you'll only have to make one and there will be 99 robots to make the rest.

[at the end of our See-if-you-can-get-out-the-door-to-school-without-anyone-yelling Contest] Mama, it succeeded! I'm out the door!

VIDEO: How to Tie a Tie, starring Julian.

I think this was the nicest day of my whole life.

Can we please listen to some Irish tunes? I need some Irish tunes.

I know a lot of tunes. Baba thinks they all sound the same, but they don't at all. They're completely different.

I want us to have a laughing party. The goal is to have everybody laughing at the same time about the same thing. First, you have to get your tummy muscles warmed up!

I had a funny dream. We were hiking and saw mushrooms floating in the air. The kind that have dots on them. When they were babies, they were in the ground. Then they started floating...

It's funny how shoelaces are really only shoelace.

I think this was the nicest day of my whole life. [Mama gave him a haircut, then took him to get ice cream at The Scoop except they were intercepted by a free horse-drawn carriage ride through town first. Later, they went to a big pierogi-making party with Janusz's band of Poles.]

I like to burp as much as I can.

This pocket is soundproof.

I know how to tell if the tooth fairy is real. First, you don't tell your parents when you tooth is wiggly. Then, you don't tell them when your tooth falls out, and put it under your pillow.

Mama, how does this (something on the stereo) work? Oh! Wow, by just following my brain a little bit, I figured it out.

In wonder if those dials (car speedometer and RPM-ometer) have motors, or if they work by pressure.

This pocket is sound-proof. Really, it is.

(At Mama's office): Your work is like magic.It's like magic to me, Mama. I might work here when I'm old.

It's three to two. I hope you win the next game and then we'll have a tie again. That was fun.

(Referring to his first adult tooth coming in, and the fact that it's more jagged than his baby teeth): It shouldn't be like a pizza cutter--so smooth--it should be more like a wood saw.

Bonus exclamation from Mama's visitng mom: Oh Golly Moses!

We are scientists.

We are scientists. We see interesting stuff where other people see yucky stuff.

(Before falling asleep): What's the tallest thing in the world? How do you squirt a tomato? Sometimes I want to talk, but I can't think of a subject to do, so I talk about the first thing I can think of, like "how do you squirt a tomato" or something.

(In Yosemite, after a very long hike up to Nevada Falls and back, Julian looked tired and Janusz said, Poor Juju. Julian replied): I'm not poor. I have a good Baba, a good family, and more than one good friend. I'm not poor.

So, who's going to win the election? Will there be some big parades when someone wins?

I wish I had more homework.

This one doesn't make sense to me. (During connect-word-to-illustration homework with the word "jet" and a simple drawing of an airplane.) Because it doesn't have any jets.

I know a way to wiggle your tooth. You put your finger on it and take a ride in the car and it get wiggled. (Lost his first tooth 10/16/12)

(During family house cleaning):  I like doing little things like polishing. It's actually kind of fun for me. I'm just that kind of person. I like the kind of things like polishing or vacuuming, but I don't really like putting stuff away.

My favorite cleaning house sport is vacuuming.

A lot of people have trouble starting to clean. But a lot of times, you just have to convince your body to do it and then you can do it pretty easily. Can I go biking now? I certainly deserve it.

If there was no gravity, people would just float around and we couldn't control ourselves. So, it would be cool if we had little jets in places so that we could turn (sound effects).

Make mine a double.

When I'm old enough, can I take one of your jobs?

Julian: I had a double ice cream today. I've moved on to double ice creams.
Suzuki: What did you have?
Julian: I got vanilla honey lavender and mint chocolate swirl. I didn't really like the chocolate one.
Suzuki: Why not just get both scoops with the vanilla honey lavender?
Julian: You can DO THAT?!!

I'm so glad you are my mom!

S: Who do you want to have over for your birthday?
J: Tobi, Cordelia, and Zane.
S: OK.
J: (pause...) And later I want to have another, bigger party with lots of people!
S: Oh, you're just thinking of the presents now...I don't think we really need to do that.
J: (smiling) Yeah.

Julian: Maybe we should wear goggles to cut the onions. (They worked great!)

(One day, Mama was struck by Norovirus, or something like it and Julian stayed at her side, providing constant care.) Mama, is there anything you need? Would you like a glass of water? I'll get you a towel.(He got me ice, made me tea, and much more. That night, before going to bed): You don't have to leave me asleep tonight. If you need ANYTHING, just wake me up!

Blind dogs and optical illusions.

Did you know that some dogs guide other blind dogs? That have a special leash between them.

Never say never...oops.

Juju: How old is your car, Baba?
Baba: 14.
Juju: It's a teenager. Do you think it will get to grow up?

Suzuki: You guys should have come on that hike with me. I saw some cool tracks.
Julian: What did they look like?
Suzuki: They had three straight lines.
Julian: Oh, I know what made them: Yodas.

That (long, black) dress makes you look taller. Some people might think you grew!

Julian: I'm always on-call.
Suzuki: For your job?
Julian: Yes.
Suzuki: What do you do?
Julian: I can't tell you, it's too complicated. I can't even sleep in my own jammies because I have to have everything on at all times.

What spell should I use to cool this barszcz (soup)? Coolamah, coolamah, coolamah...FEY!

I need one more hand for putting on the ketchup. I just need one more. I usually won't use it, but for ketchup.

You're making me itchy with your voice.

We're going to have one "pretend" a night. We're going to pretend going upstairs is part of it. We will pretend to sail into my room. We don't really have a space for you in the boat, so you will water ski on the side.

If you roast apples enough, it tastes like apple pie. And I think that's what we're going to do in Yosemite. Baba is going to try to remember.

[And I just rediscovered this photo of Julian's door and his old friend Lena:]

Flash Playdates and Mama Zombies

S: Tobi is coming over tomorrow for a playdate.
J: Sometimes I have like "flash playdates." Like I don't even know about them. Like flash floods in the desert.

(Tobi and Julian, Desert Explorers. Made at school.)

It's my "specialest" thing.

Tobi: It would be good if we lived in houses right next to each other. We would build a tunnel. We'd ask the government to do it.

Let me hug you! Let me dance you! Let me kiss you!

See Julian's first ballet recital!

Mama, I love you. I wouldn't be alive without you.

Mama, when you die, I'm going to make a sculpture of you with arms up to hug that has a motor that makes it move and says, "I love you, Juju...I love you, Juju...I love you, Juju..."

S: Julian, I'm going to need your utmost cooperation this week.
J: My un-most cooperation?
S: No, your utmost.
J: I'll give you my un-most cooperation. Here it is!

(Tobi made this telescoping Lightsaver for Julian.)

J: This light saver is good because it saves the light, so it saves electricity.Wow -- 360 million -- that's how much light it saved. 360 thousand light capsules!
Janusz: How long will that last?
J: About half a day. 360 thousand million trillion hundred -- that'll last one day. 360 thousand million trillion hundred scoillion, jillian, (etc.) -- that'll last a decade!

An apple a day keeps the doctors in a different country. No, in a different universe. A different galaxy. Maybe the Star Wars Galaxy...

S: Julian, do you want to see a video of yourself in the school play?
J: No, I know what I look like and I heard myself.

See Julian's desert school play. New, improved footage taken by Janusz.

You're the "loviest" mama I've ever seen. Because you love me so much.

Janusz: Julian, your science fair certificate has the same gold star as I got on my Juniper Networks certification.
S: Wow you guys, I guess I need to get a gold star!
J: Oh, I'll get you one. All I need is a rocket.

S: I like real clowns, but I don't like it when you clown around at dinner.
J: I'll be a real clown. What do real clowns do?

Hey Mama, we were on the same pitch, but we were saying different things.

You're the boss of carrying stuff up from the car.

I sprouted from the most beautiful egg ever.

(School choir performance line-up.)

with his good friend Zane

J: Tonight I don't want a book, Baba. Let's talk. I want you to tell me something interesting. Something that I don't already know.

Janusz: I'm very tired. I'm not sure I can think of something off the top of my head. If you have a specific question, I can try to find an answer for you.
J: When cars have front-wheel drive, how can the engine turn the wheels side-to-side and still make them turn around?

S: Julian, please sit down at the table.
J: OK, I'm sling-shotting myself there.

You try the Mexican chili hot chocolate first, and then if you can't describe it in a really good way, I won't have any.

See Airplane Lavatory Self-Portraits in the Flemish Style

A Day for Laughter Hath Been Proclaimed!

(Early Friday morning): Let's have today be "Laughing Day." Let's laugh as much as possible. 

(Later that day): We should make "Laughing Bread!"

(End of day): We had SO MUCH laughing today! It was so fun!

In Julian's ballet class, Teacher Lily plays a game with the kids sitting with their thighs pressed out and the bottoms of their feet pressed together. She pretends to throw treats into their "baskets." After class, the teacher quietly told me that when she asked him what he wanted in his basket, Julian said, "Nothing." She asked, "Nothing?" He replied, "I already have everything I need." She said, "I never heard that before. Usually they want candy or something like that!"

Mama, I made something for you. You have to try it. A papaya seed and a chive wrapped in a basil leaf. Isn't it good? (It was!)

I see a lot of animals on the bathroom wall, Mama. Come look! There are two elephants, a bear, and a rabbit. Be aware, they all have eyes. Oh, there's a goldfish and I found a monkey. And I see a Saguaro Cactus!

I made a new Lego kit that has all the parts for a Pterodactyl. Do you want me to plug the vehicle into the Pterodactyl now?

Ro-sham-bo, (heart shape)! Let's say that Heart "beats" everything else, because it has love!

NOTE: Julian did a fine job in his role as a Saguaro (The Cactus, Tall and Grand) in his kindergarten play:

Click here to watch for Julian's Kindergarten Cactus Play! 

Unicycles, Surfboards, and Love Contraptions

Did you know we have switches in our body? Yes. Lots and lots of switches. Focus! Switch--not focused! And back ON--focused! ... Muscles--OFF. (collapses)

If there's enough birds, could they carry a person in the air? If there's enough birds?

God is the dad of earth and Mother Earth is the mother of earth, right?

Did you know that some people are making black hole blasters that can go into black holes and blast back out? (Suzuki: Oh, really?) Yes, people are helping me make one in the underworld.

Look what I made (out of Legos). He has a unicycle under his surfboard! He's going to ride right into the ocean.

I'm going to tell you what I wish. I wish people didn't take up so much space.

Yay! I love these cards that Grandpa makes hisself. I love them so much because they're like stories.

This space shuttle is a love machine. I'm making a real love machine for you, Mama. A lot of them are fake because they're really expensive, but I got it for you. It's a real one. This space shuttle will never deliver bills to you.

Julian (after hearing Suzuki singing the theme from Barber of Seville): You're annoying, Mama. 
Suzuki: Hey, that hurts my feelings.
Julian: I'm sorry that you're annoying and I love you very much.

I'm going to make you a trophy for the best cereal in the world.

Don't look at me when you have the stuff (dye) in your hair. It makes my taste buds feel weird.|

I love you, Mama. And I can't even tell you how much. Way bigger than anyone could describe.

Julian: (Burp.) You're welcome. (Burp.) You're welcome.
Suzuki: You're welcome?
Julian: You're welcome in my burping factory.

I'm setting up the love contraption. It sends out love and takes away the bad love...that's moldy. When love gets moldy, it turns into hate. It takes that away and turns it into love. This guy (Legos again) activates the love contraption.

Suzuki: Can you read this?
Julian: No, I'm too full for reading...and a little too lazy, too.

I have so much love that even if you put it in your whole body and Baba's body and all the stars and the sun, there would still be so much more.

I have multiple brains.

After the earth is done, it will become Jesus. Because all the planets are named for gods, like Jupiter and Pluto...

You're the heating element in my pickle.

Mama, you're the motor in my fan. You're the filament in my lightbulb. You're the paint in my picture. You're the key to my mind.

Can really hot water make a fire? If you pour it on wood?

Suzuki (after having employed the old "I've got your nose" trick): Hey, I've got your nose!
Julian: You don't have my nose. I have my own private nose and each time I get a new, improved model when you take it.

Juju (playing with legos): We're just waiting for a concept to come up...I know! This is a short-route, one-person dizzer!

I do not like what is going on with this world. Some things I like, but a lot I do not. (With a disgusted tone): In my school, almost every class has a projector!

I don't like shrimps to eat, but I like shrimps the animals. They're really cute.

Can we get a spring box for my mattress and put it next to your bed so we can all sleep together? I want to be with you as much as possible. Being together is what life's about.

Janusz: Julian, I thought you said you were dying of hunger and now you're not eating and playing with that puppet and rubber band.
Julian: I guess I was dying for something to be interesting.

Julian: I like to quietly practice other people's voices.
Suzuki: Maybe you'd like to be an actor.
Julian: No, I want to be a dancer.

Thank you for getting me a napkin, Baba. You're the best...You're welcome for saying you're the best.

A leaf was jumping down the street. It was so funny!

(On a fire road hike) Tracks are an offering to God from trucks.

I don't think I'd be a good harmonica player because after I play for some time, my breath feels weird.

Mama, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to guess in a special way--guess more slowly, so you don't just say, "I give up."

Suzuki: A speech therapist is going to come to your class.
Julian: But I don't want to lose my accent.

Joy!

The Nutcracker and The F Word

Mama, when you cut my hair, could you make a big curl on one side, like a phone on the side of my face? Like I'm talking on a hair phone?

J: Looks like I'm going to be a shooting star today.
S: But shooting stars have clean teeth.
J: Shooting stars don't really have teeth. They have gills and they breathe in dust. And if they crash into a star, they stop for a snack.

J: Can I get my own tape dispenser?
S: OK.
J: Thank you, Mama. You are the sweetest. You and Baba are the sweetest.

(Pointing into his yogurt): Look, Mama. It looks like God. Like a person with wings.

There's a store that's named for me and Tobi. TJ's. T and J!

J: What's the "F word," Mama?
S: What do you know about it?
J: I know it's the worst word there is. What is it?
S: F#%@
J: What does it mean?

What if you did knit-two, purl-one, knit-two, purl-one and mixed it all up? Let's do that, Mama. All the time, we'll be together, knitting.

J: In school, we're learning about classical music and The Nutcracker.
S: DUM, ba da da DUM bum, BUM bum BAH!?
J: DUM, ba da da DUM bum, BUM bum BAH!
S: Did you know that it's a ballet? Would you like me to rent the video for us to watch?
J: Nah...I just want to see it live.

J: Baba, will you get me an iPhone?
B: What do you need an iPhone for?
J: I don't know...I heard someone at school say his parents are going to get him one when he's 14.

Mama, do you know the difference between hardware and software? Hardware is like the metal things and software is like things on the computer, so it's like a whole different subject.

What if you could just walk into the night and stay in the night, or you could just walk into the day? It would be good for the desert because it gets so hot.