How old do I have to be to go on a Vision Quest?
Me: Julian, stop arguing and get upstairs.
J: Fine. But, I'm bristling at you.
Me: Sorry for dragging my feet getting out the door to the party.
J: You put on your osmium-filled shoes, Mama. (Osmium is the heaviest element in the periodic table.) Then, you put on your helium-filled shoes, flew out the door, and Baba and I were like "what happened?"
Me: How do you like the cardamom in this galette?
J: It's kind of demanding, it kind of takes over a little too much.
(Singing): It is possible, but not practical, that I would have to do the dishes!
Everybody calls their side the "good guys."
Me: Julian, take smaller bites.
J: Why? We're not dainty Victorians.
In the 19th century, you used to be able to buy a hot cross bun for a ha'penny. That's one of the reasons it's getting harder and harder to pay for stuff with coins. You almost need a wheelbarrow of money now.
I saw two teenage boys walking together, both on their cell phones!
Laughing takes all the blood from my hands. It makes my hands unusable.
(While planting kale starts): Thrive! Be well! Be constrained no longer!
Me: I know how to make good banana bread.
J: Get on making it. I'm all mouths!
