A few words from Juju...

Mama, would you rather have legs for fingers, or fingers for legs?

Don't sigh in my general direction.

See that Ninja Chef in the ceiling fan?

It's cold out there. It nips my knobbly knees.

Harvest the power.

Am I as stealthy as a bull walrus on the prowl?

(Stock still, eyes wide): ...Your breath just gave me PTSD.

The stoplight posts here in Denver are so meaty!

Mama: You better pick some good chores to do today.
J: I'm going to be the Chief Lounger.

(Listening to George Benson's "Gonna Love You More"): This is the kind of music I need to get happy enough to do the dishes!

Cheese is the essence of evil...It's the way it looks at you, like it's plotting something.

Mama: I need to go water the garden.

J: Let the beauty of the garden envelope you and push you along in your task.

Do you think you could jump a little higher when the moon is directly overhead? Wait, you can jump the highest when there's a total eclipse of the sun right overhead! And if you get enough leaf blowers under you...WHOOSH!

Mama: All this work is crushing.
Julian: Harvest the power of dark energy. It's what keeps the universe from crushing into itself. It sounds perfect for you!

(While preparing to evacuate):
J: I removed your hard drive, Mama. It's in this basket. Do not drop it! Also, I cut down that little Bay tree that was right next to the house growing under the eave.
Mama: And are you really going to take that giant frog (stuffed animal)?
J: Of course!!!

Not even to the toes yet.

Mama: Julian, time to put away the book and go to sleep.
Julian: I have to finish. I'm in the middle of a footnote. I haven't even gotten to the toes yet.

I don't like my room to be too clean, Mama. That's not how I roll.

The salad spinner spins for 23 seconds with one pull!

Baba, how hot is it out there on a scale of "You should not go unicycling" to "It's OK for you to go unicycling"?

Mama: Julian, how did you learn all that info about fire management?
Julian: I don't know, I just picked up knowledge here and there and stitched it together.

Don’t you love how it feels when you jump in the pool and the bubbles go up your body?

I'll be back in a pinch.

We are all time travelers

I scattered your laundry around your room to protect you from repetitive motion injuries. Also it gives you something soft to land on in case you fall. After all, it's not the fall that's the problem, it's the landing.

Not much can be hidden from a quiet, watchful child with good eyes.

Mama. How are rust and fire similar? Rust is oxidation, fire is rapid oxidation, which creates heat, which is why you don’t find cold fire very often. 

They should invent eating gloves.

Is it possible to paint a room so much that there’s no longer room to live in it?

The oil in Eucalyptus trees is highly flammable. I wonder if cars could run on eucalyptus oil. Eucalyptus oil is too expensive, though, right?

Oopsalan Poopsalan Mobile Hair Salon

What is the solid with the lowest viscosity?

(After some crazy singing): Do you love my beautiful, floundering harmonics?

I like the ideas in Buddhism. They seem very wise. So far, it’s the religion that seems to make the most sense.

Do you ever bet yourself? I bet myself $10 a lot.

I won $10. I just bet myself that you would come up and tell me to take a shower.

We are all time travelers.

Do you know how suction cups work? The air pressure drops when the air gets pushed out. Then the air outside the suction cup pushes against it. Do you know how we survive the air pressure that is pushing on us from outside of us? Because we breath air into our bodies which neutralizes the pressure.

Mama (assessing her newly-baked loaf): Hey, this is killer bread!
J: No, life-giver!

#HashTagLegit

How many eyes do I have, Mama? Seven. Two, plus two in the back of my head, my third eye, my mind's eye and my soul's eye.

When you reach a fork in the road, go to the nearest restaurant.

I'm full. I'm like, totally hash-tag-legit full.

--------------------------
And now, here is something fun Juju and Baba made some years back to gift a friend. The former shoebox had a few goodies inside, too.

Unfair! Preposterous! Totally untubular!

I need to put some oil on my [sunburned] shoulders. They don't hurt anymore, but they're unsightly.

How close would you have to be to a supernova to get a lethal dose of neutrinos?

I wonder how many miles my nose has run.

I learned how to fell trees yesterday. (Been reading County Wisdom and Know-How)

I come over here to put the jam on my sandwich, because it splooshes.

(During heatwave): Mama, should we put out a pail of water for the deer?

Unfair! Preposterous! Totally untubular!

Baba reads Botany in a Day at night and I read it in the day.

J: Do you know how the pistal developed?
Mama: No, how?
J: The fertile leaves got curled in and fused together to protect the ovules.
Mama: Ha! I thought you were talking about guns and you were talking about flowers!

Can you sound mean saying "bubbles"?

Can you sound mean saying "bubbles"? Try it. There's no way to make it sound mean.

I'm supposed to come up with a "big question" for my science project. Maybe calculate the velocity of an unladen swallow?

I'm kind of partial to tetrahedrons.

We used to have a bunch of dried fruit around. And now they're gone...like pickles in the wind.

Mama: Don't forget you're grounded today.
Julian: You might think so, but I'm not, really. I'm in the air, not grounded.

Mama: Julian, please stop squealing!
J: My voice is going to change and I won't be able to anymore, so I want to take advantage of it!

(After giving her a hug): Mama, you've suddenly gotten really short.

Mama, please make more plantains. I love them--make six next time. I think they're stretching out my palette.

Mama, if you didn't know the word irrelevant or relevant, what would you think it meant?

Do you know how to pop your eyeballs out? Go too deep.

What-cha-talkin' about? Shitake mushrooms about!

Thumbs up for thumbs.

We're so lucky to have thumbs! I'm trying to make a breakfast without using my thumbs. It's so difficult!

Sometimes I don't like to see pictures in books, because you end up thinking along the lines of "Oh, I've been thinking of it wrong all along".

Baba: Why don't you eat the pizza European-stye?
Julian: I use whatever finger food I can muster.

Do you know how to manufacture a burp?

I figured out the perfect thing to do an a rainy day. Play Legos while listening to an audio book in a fort in your room.

[Julian told Mama a math problem she couldn't answer. He didn't want tell her the answer, insisting she figure it out for herself.] You're trying to double me up, twist me and squeeze the answer out of me, Mama!

I don't know why I have these sudden excitement spikes, do you?

Suzuki: Wait Julian, I don't see "wash dishes" on your chart.
Baba: Yeah, he was supposed to have a "chores" section on there.
Suzuki: Maybe we should call them "duties" instead of "chores". Better connotations.
Julian: If I do "chores", I get money for them.
Baba: Hey, I don't get money for doing chores.
Julian: That's because you don't have "chores", you have "duties", Baba.

I'm throwing rotten tomatoes at you in my mind.

Wow, that's amazing--honey has such powerful surface tension!

Mama, Baba, you both should just surrender. You shouldn't have to have the last say. I know, it's hard for me, too, not to have the last say.

(Later) Suzuki: I like what you said to diffuse the argument earlier, about not having to have the last say.
Julian: You taught me that one time.

Good job, Mama. You said "sorry" for what you did. You did a general good job.

Julian: What's for dinner?
Suzuki: Rice and bean tacos.
J: Don't you guys have anything else up your sleeves? You've been faltering lately.

Mama, remember the time I put a carrot slice in your pants pocket, and you found it like a year later?

SOLD to the Man With The Walrus Mustache.

I'm not sure why, but I can never say "hi" for someone else (like on the phone, so-and-so says "hi"). It's really hard for me. I can't be a "hi" transfer machine.

I'm going down memory lane with my scars.

I was with a chicken in the garden at school today and I could have sworn I heard him squawking Beethoven's Fifth.

I know you're feeling below the weather, Mama.

I'm almost seventy pounds!

Baba: Suzuki, I don't like that pile of stuff you keep over there.
Me: I hear what you're saying with an open mind, open heart...
Julian: And an open mouth.

Knitting isn't as "clockwork-ical" as crocheting.

That seaweed salad was top of the notch.

Going once, going twice, SOLD to the man with the walrus mustache!

What are volts?

I can roll my Rs now!

Mama, what's your favorite band? Mine is the birds chirping in the morning.

Dark looks and unusable hands.

Don't do that, Mama. I'm looking at you darkly.

How old do I have to be to go on a Vision Quest?

Me: Julian, stop arguing and get upstairs.
J: Fine. But, I'm bristling at you.

Me: Sorry for dragging my feet getting out the door to the party.

J: You put on your osmium-filled shoes, Mama. (Osmium is the heaviest element in the periodic table.) Then, you put on your helium-filled shoes, flew out the door, and Baba and I were like "what happened?"

Me: How do you like the cardamom in this galette?
J: It's kind of demanding, it kind of takes over a little too much.

(Singing): It is possible, but not practical, that I would have to do the dishes!

Everybody calls their side the "good guys."

Me: Julian, take smaller bites.
J: Why? We're not dainty Victorians.

In the 19th century, you used to be able to buy a hot cross bun for a ha'penny. That's one of the reasons it's getting harder and harder to pay for stuff with coins. You almost need a wheelbarrow of money now.

I saw two teenage boys walking together, both on their cell phones!

Laughing takes all the blood from my hands. It makes my hands unusable.

(While planting kale starts): Thrive! Be well! Be constrained no longer!

Me: I know how to make good banana bread.
J: Get on making it. I'm all mouths!

You can't be involved in politics and not know the F word.

Pew, that cheese is stinky! That really takes a toll on my mood.

To me, packing for a trip is related to hoarding: Hmm, maybe I'll need this and maybe I'll need that...

Julian: You could be the next president, Mama.
Suzuki: I don't think so. You could do it.
Julian: Nah, I'd be on Town Council. Or maybe Senator or Congress. Or the National Board of Education. Maybe I could improve the math program. Or maybe a judge. Nah...Town Council.

You can't be involved in politics and not know the F word.

I think I got more of Grandpa's genes than you.

Where the heck in tarnation is my other biking glove?

I'm going to draw my teacher a very fancy flower with a long taproot, like any self-respecting flower would have. There'll be a splash of color on the petals.

Funk music, old-fashioned people, and imperfection.

Mama, I discovered reading War and Peace and listening to Cameo do not mix.

I ran a mile in five minutes and 32 seconds. Is that good? Some people walk their laps. I can't imagine not running my laps. I tried and I couldn't. Even if I'm like, "My ankle hurts, I'm not going to be able to run my laps," I still end up running my laps. I don't know why.

Mama, would you rather be in a perfect situation in an imperfect world, or an imperfect situation in a perfect world?

I have a new mantra, "I clear my mind." You can use it, Mama.

What are yoga mats made of? (Plastic foam.) How did the old-fashioned people do yoga before these mats?

(At good-night tuck-in): Now leave me with my thoughts.

Get in Touch with Your Inner Gyroscope.

What's the gyroscope inside your body? Is that how you feel gravity? How you can tell if you're leaning forward or upside down?

I'm a boss at cleaning. You just got to get me to do it.

Suzuki: Why did you come down here--it's late?
Julian: My throat is parched.

I carved this sword at camp today. I Knight you: Super Poopy Annoying Mama!

Santa Claus should be smarter than to smoke, don't you think?

Open up your vocal chords, Mama. (Laaaa!) No, that's closing them. It's not good to close them unnecessarily. Seriously, we researched vocal chords and even saw a whole creepy slide show about them.

I pogo-sticked to school today. I did 111 in a row no-handed, and 444 with hands. At recess, I shot some baskets on my pogo stick.

(With foam yoga cylinder): Bam bam bam! (Suzuki: "I remember when you were small and I scolded you for pretending to shoot. You would say, "I'm shooting love" or "I'm shooting food to homeless people.") That's just what I was thinking about. I was just thinking it was a Bazooka Cornucopia. Bam bam bam--Hams! Bam Bam--Unripe Apples! Bam Bam--Exploding Grapefruits!

Do you want to see my Lego invention? I invented a new evolution of personal transportation. See, it's a modified jetpack...

Gnome Toilet

Suzuki: How did you size the spot for the candle in this ceramic holder you made a few years back?
Julian: I think it was supposed to be a gnome toilet originally.

When you record yourself, you can hear what you really sound like, not what you think you sound like in your mind. You always think you sound better in your mind than you actually do.

Tobi and I talk about music stuff all the time.

Suzuki: There are four new elements in the Periodic Table.
Julian: What are they? Pedaladium? Stratocastium?

Do you know why there are dimples on golf balls? Without them, they would travel half as far.

Suzuki: Roger and Ellen are such great people.
Julian: They're top-notch!

Do you know what happens when you have two candles and you blow between them? (They'll go out?) No. The tops of the flames will meet in the middle. (Why?) You don't know? (No.) You didn't learn about air pressure in school? Wow, you're not very well educated, Mama.

Let's do some competitive laughing.

Ah, you're reading my mind again, Mama. Lately, when I'm thinking something, you say it right then.

Music Theory and Foot Tape

You need some encouragement, Mama. I'm going to sprinkle some encouragement on you. (sprinkle, sprinkle)

Suzuki: "I thought you said you would get ready for bed right after ice cream."
Julian: "I actually am. I'm getting in the state of mind to get ready."

(On his guitar): Guess what chord this is, Mama? (I don't know.) It's an F. Do you think it's an F7? (I think so.) A dominant or diminished 7? (I don't know.) You know--if it sounds like this....it's dominant, if it sounds like this....it's diminished. You didn't KNOW that, Mama?!

Did you know that sharks close their eyes when they attack so they won't get scratched? They use electroceptors--I think that's what they're called. Did you know they can smell one drop of blood in 10 billions drops of water?

(On his piano): Do you know what chord I'm playing, Mama? (No.) It's a modified F to C chord.

(Gliding along the carpet): Don't you just LOVE foot tape? Wheeeeee!

Surface Tension.

When you get to the north pole, there's no more "north" anywhere, right Mama?

I've trademarked "Douse and Squeal." It could be a dog wash and a car wash. And at the end, you're squeaky clean!

Who, what, where, when, how and sometimes why. That works, right?

Mama, do you know how to turn your computer off using voice recognition? I can show you...for a small fee.

Can I be your (mandolin) capo, Mama? The bridge of my nose would be a great capo, I think.

Put the pie down--don't eat it yet! I need to make a documentary of it first.

(Eyes on some water pooled on a plate): Surface tension! Do you have an eyedropper, Mama?

Faulty Craftsmanship

Suzuki: If you can't seem to fall asleep, why don't you try running up and down the stairs a few times?

Julian: I'm too tired, physically. But emotionally, I'm like ding-dong-ding-dong! It's like a spring-loaded high-suspension ping-pong with hydraulic disc brakes.

Mama, have you ever seen a bike with suspension only in the back? I have, twice, but one of them was in a book.

Can you do this, Mama? My friend Diego can bend his thumb all the way back. My elbow is double-jointed.

If you have any questions about Illustrator, let me know, Mama. I'm a big fan of keyboard shortcuts.

I need to finish "spanking up" my cricket house.

Do you know what the best built-in pad is on your body? Your buttocks.

Suzuki: We have a little time before you have to go to bed. Want to play a game?

Julian: Why don't we bust out our instruments and have some fun!

(While sprinking on dates): I'm "spanking up" my cereal.

How many drops of water do you think can fit on a penny?

This pumpkin pie isn't as good as the last one. It's clumpy and unpredictable--not predictable, like store-bought. I think it's faulty craftsmanship because when I picked it up by the crust, the actual flesh of the pie just fell down.

Ten Year-Old Portal

We're making a movie for Tobi's birthday. Do you know what it's about? Politics. It was mostly Tobi and Diego's idea, but I added to it. We are going to have our bicycle gloves. We need a way to teleport to India, so we'll use "portal gloves." Do you know what our main goal is? To reprogram the missiles, so they won't blow up places like India and Canada. It's also about Donald Duck.

Suzuki: You need to put a bookmark in this conversation so I can get ready for work. Tell me tonight.
Julian: OK, but Mama, just ONE more thing: did you know that the space toilets of today have buttock parters? Because there is zero gravity in space so it's harder for stuff to come out otherwise.

Suzuki: You've been using that word a lot. Where'd you hear "buttocks?"
Julian: I don't know...Queen Elizabeth? That's what it always reminds me of. BUT-TOCKS! (English accent)

My Lego spaceship is going to get resources. We'll use alien resources so we don't have to use earth resources. We'll get awesome materials like ground comet to make really good cement...

Triple-mega-double-decker PLEASE with a cherry on top?

Mama, I have to warn you: I took the springs out of these ballpoint pens and made Lego shocks.

All we need to have a happy life.

Three and a half years ago, Julian met Tobi in kindergarten:

Now they're in a rock band together (that's Julian on the left):

Yesterday, Tobi said: "I remember the first thing Julian said to me: 'Do you want to play airplanes'?"

What's your favorite bike tire valve, Mama? Personally, I prefer Presta because it holds air a little better.

Julian and Mama visited Amma's ashram in San Ramon last weekend. Julian says he doesn't want to wash the clothes he was wearing because he doesn't want to wash off the blessings.

Mama: We should make muffins sometime.
Julian: I want a muffin that's a reincarnation of the divine.

The one part of my body that I wish I didn't have is my belly button.

Mama: Hey, Small Fry!
Julian: I'm not a small fry, I'm a full-suspension sweet potato fry with hydraulic disc brakes.

If you want to blow the dirt out of your nose, first you lift your eyelid on one side and plug your other nostril.

That lipstick makes it look like you're trying too hard, Mama.

Mama (seeing Julian studiously looking out the window): What are you looking for?
Julian: Changes.
S: What changes?
J: Any changes.
S: Did you see any?
J: Yeah. Wind and birds.

Santa Fe, New Mexico: We visited the Museum of International Folk Art. After several hours there, we told him it was time to leave but that we'd come back some day. He said, "Good, because I haven't even begun to be done seeing this exhibit!" The next day we got kicked out of the Museum of Indian Arts and Culture at closing time.

(While listening the Bee Gees): Can you actually decrypt what they're saying, Mama? (No.)

Baba: You people need to learn not to talk at the same time.
Julian: Ideas get out of my head too fast, I'd say. I'm just feeling bouncy and exciting, like full suspension.

I think we should take advantage of the place we live. We should do more bike riding and star gazing. That's all we really need to have a happy life. We have something to do in the day and something to do at night.

Six deep breaths and a full-suspension bike.

The thing about Ryan's legs for biking is they're really good at going fast on flat, but not so good at going uphill. My legs are kind of the opposite.

Suzuki: We'll bring sketch pads to the museums tomorrow.
Julian: What--you're allowed to DO that?! Do people copy them?

Mama, I found out something about my black shoes. You can stand on your tippy-tippy toes in them!

Suzuki: I found you a magic wand at the beach.
Julian: Really?! What does it do?
Suzuki: You'll have to find out for yourself.
Julian: Can it turn anything into a full-suspension bike?

That is radically cool with a butt-shake at the end.

How fast are we driving? (20 mph.) An ostrich can run twice as fast.

Where does humming come out?

Do you know what suspension is really for, Mama? For keeping the wheels on the ground. That's why trick bike jumpers don't want much suspension.

Janusz: Why are you pacing around like that while eating?
Julian: My legs are bored.

Suzuki: Julian, what are you grateful for?
Julian: I'm grateful for feelings. I feel...happy. Just feelings...

If you take six deep breaths, it calms you down. They've done scientific experiments that show that works.

Hey Mama, I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up! (What's that?) A person who works in a bike shop. That seems like a good job. I don't want to be a factory worker.

(Bedtime): I'm going to go lie down now and think about stuff. There's so much to think about...