Nine. To the nines.

(Opening his gift using fingernail scissors to preserve the newspaper comics wrapping): I think Grandma taped it so much because whatever's inside it might try to escape.

[The gift inside was the book Physiology and Biochemistry in Modern Medicine (1922) with a secret cut-out bottle shape inside that Grandpa had made long ago.]: I guess "Modern" isn't so modern anymore! And I guess it's shaped like a medicine bottle because it's a book about medicine. 

[For his birthday dinner, Julian asked that we dress up in our blue shirts and insisted we wear pins. He also wore a bowler hat (not pictured). He used some of his own money to extra-tip the waiter at his favorite Chinese restaurant, sadly going out of business.]

(Re: the gift of a mammoth flashlight/spotlight thing, also from Grandma): LOOK WHAT I GOT!!! 

The thing about tongue twisters is that you need to say them out loud or your tongue doesn't get twisted.

Whenever you guys don't know that I have a tooth under the pillow, the tooth fairy doesn't come. I think you guys call her. What's the tooth fairy's number?

I'm going to play the violin because my harmonicas are tasting really bad right now.

Mama, I have two tips for you on your bowing. Try to stay more like this and like this (demonstrating).

Can I play your tender (tenor) guitar?

(Coming up the stairs in the morning): I skipped every other step to help wake myself up!

(When Flycatcher babies were nesting in the eave of our front door): I have an idea. Let's avoid using that door and go around.

(When asked why he likes to go fishing): For the joy of catching the fish and feeding my family.

We're not fishers, Mama. We're anglers.

Mama, do you want to cast off the deck? It's really fun!

Baseball is about losing.

Baseball is about losing. I started reading Grandpa's book about baseball.

I'm neutral. I'm not a little kid or a grown-up.

You know what would be a really important present for me? A disk battery. I put a motor onto a paper airplane and the AAA battery was too heavy.

[At Mama's work, Julian was sent to bring the CEO to a meeting room to a signing of a million dollar loan agreement. On his way there, the CEO said, "Wait a minute, I might need a pen for this." Julian said, "Yes, it IS a signing." Then in the meeting room, the CEO said, "OK, where do I sign?" Julian, pointing, said, "It says 'Sign Here' right here."]

I'm a good dancer. I'm good at the Staying Alive and the Egyptian Boogie.

What's your favorite coordinate?

I'm going to play Twister against myself!

S: Can you find alternative words for rad/cool/awesome that are less boring?
J: How about "fuzzy?" "You're fuzzy. You're smooth. You're silky, Mama!"

---------------------------------------------------------------

POETRY BY JULIAN:

I am from
I am from the jurassic period
I am from the ocean
I am from the color green
I am from my mom
I am from lakes
I am from everywhere
I am from the moon
I am from leo
I am from the night
I am from the sky
I am from fun
I am from Titus
I am from non-fiction
I am from nature
I am from my self
I am from Aikido
I am from my home
I am from Monty Python
I am from Pangea
I am from pie
I am from the number Pi
I am from penguins
I am from peas
I am from model trains

May my heart always be open to Earth, tree, books, school, life, butterflies, superman, model train, baseball, piano, the color green, the water, the redwoods, trains, especially the sound of model trains, my mom and dad, dinosaurs, the color green, climbing trees, nature, legos, airplanes, basketball, summer, fall, winter, spring, world, grass, ketchup, and math. All these things my heart is open to!

Can you hear the ants marching in a line, one line going to their nest and one going to the food source?
I love to hear the bubbles coming out of the ketchup bottle, it goes into the pita where my lamb burger is. After that when I eat it, it tastes good.
Can you hear lizard skittering down my path? I don't recommend catching them because they might have ticks.
I love to hear the alarm clock when it rings in the morning at 7:00.
Can you hear the clicking of LEGOS when you put them together and take them apart?

I love being in nature with trees, grass, plants and animals. I also love being at home with my model trains. It's very nice to make a huge layout with lots of trains. I think it's nice when eating my muesli that my mom made. It tastes soooo goooooddd. It's nice and sweet. I can taste all the ingredients, quick oats, raisins, cranberries. I love it!!!!!!!!

In the stillness of the night I see dragons soaring above the tree tops, with moon light shining on its smooth wings. I imagine little Lego people coming to life, building little buildings and when I am about to wake up they take everything down and make it look the same. On the weekend when I play with my Legos I like to make little scenes with my Legos.

---------------------------------------------------------------

S: You are a good poet, Julian.
J: Everyone is. You just let your words flow.

Sneeze With Your Eyes Open

Mama, do you like arrays? (Would I like a raise?) No, ARRAYS.

I wonder if there is such a thing as a Pronouncing Bee.

Mama, when you grow up and you're a scientist, what kind of scientist do you want to be?

Have you heard of the kind of poker where every time you lose, you take a piece of clothing off? Kristen told me about it.

You're a Myosaurus dinosaur. Do you know what that means? That you're a good mom. A very good mom.

What is your favorite paleontologist tool, Mama?

Suzuki: Can I have a kiss?
Julian: Only if you promise to sneeze with your eyes open next time.

Is there reception on the moon?

Julian (watching Suzuki apply eyeliner): You look weird.
Suzuki: That hurts my feelings.
Julian: I mean, why don't you just look like yourself?

I'm going upstairs to listen to music. I haven't gotten my daily dose of funk in a long time.

If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?

If you were President, and you could change one thing about the U.S., what would it be?

Preserve! Preserve! Preserve The Mama! In Amber! Make Sure, Make Sure She Doesn't Die. Preserve the Mama!

(Pointing to the weave on the rattan): See, I'm like Grandpa. It skipped over a generation.

I like to talk to "X" best. "Y" doesn't have enough concepts.

(To the tune of Woody Guthrie's Little Sack of Sugar): "Little hunk of sugar, I could eat you up." Mama, from now on, your name is Hunk O' Sugar.

Mama, do you promise not to do anything interesting while I brush my teeth?

eight and a half Stink Bushels

Mama, would you please be so kind as to stop distracting me?

What's your favorite animal, Baba? Mine is probably Dust Mite. No, Tardigrade! I'm going to write a story, "Tardigrade Goes to School."

Is there a measurement for stinking, like pounds or miles? That would be so cool.

What's your favorite thing to do, Mama? I think dancing, doing crossword puzzles, and skateboarding are my favorites.

Can you put some more Funk on my music player?

(Whilst snuggling in bed): Let's get in our futuristic submarine. It's got a green windshield. That makes it kind of futuristic and alien-ish, right?

The Julian Inquisition.

How many organisms are in the world? How many organisms are in me? How many atoms are in the world? Do more and more atoms come into the world? No? Then, how do we grow? How many countries are in the world? How many cities and towns and things? Who's alive that has the most farts in the world?

Mama: Those sticks are now off limits.
J: I know where you put them.
M: You can't touch them.
J: I can if I time travel.

Why do we have to watch a movie (drama)? [Because we like them.] Well, I don't. They're too hypnotizing for me.

I can't wait for next weekend. We're going to watch a whole Monty Python movie...and here's the fun part: They have really strong accents!

There could be a game Who Can Smell Garlic From the Farthest? The winner gets a whole head of garlic--or maybe two--and everybody else gets a clove.

Isn't it interesting that you can bring up a concept and a whole conversation just pops up? Because the chains link. Sometimes they can go on for hours. Hey, no writing down!

Could we ever be completely touching? [Well, I guess we were when you were inside me.] But didn't we have force fields around us? [Maybe so.] It was nice being there. You didn't have to pay taxes, there's good food, a nice temperature. I never got sick, I don't think.

Merry Christmas from Julian.

Noisemakers and flying tanks.

(on trampoline) What if I jumped up to the moon and came down so fast that I didn't get burned by the atmosphere. And I didn't even take a breath? Actually, I just took one breath to have enough courage to make it back!

You know what's useful? When I drop something (eating food at the table), my legs go magically in!

("Boob Man," who has good milk and poisonous milk, plus a giant skateboard, flying tank, etc.)

I'm a caveman with modern tools.

In my class, I'm the one that savors things the most (food).

You know what my favorite thing in the world is? I mean, I like Legos, but my favorite thing is getting attention from Mama!

When are you coming back upstairs? Three moments equals a while, remember that.

I think they should put noisemakers in electric cars...not too loud.

I don't want to eat anymore before Aikido class. Tell Baba that and tell him very firmly.

(Me: What's your favorite fruit?) I think coconut is a genius fruit. You can use the shell as a bowl, you can drink the milk, and eat the flesh.

Oddness, Continued.

Let's have an opera of burps!

Yesterday I looked up a bad word in the dictionary. The F word. (What did it say?) I don't remember. (So we looked it up again. Intransitive verb, transitive verb, noun, AND interjection!)

I think of Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday as even days and Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday as odd ones. I don't know why.

(Sometimes you have tantrums when you don't want to do what we ask you to, Julian.) That's because I always plan out my days.

Double-pleases help you get what you want.

A man walks into a bar and says ouch. Why does he say ouch? Because he walks into a bar!

Blue fuzz and electrical cords. And a side of poo.

I want you to tuck me in real tight tonight. Can you bungee-cord my sheets around me so they will stay on?

This is a nice dictionary. (Mama: You can have it if you like. I never use it anymore, I just look stuff up online.) I'll show my kids some day. "This is how we used to look up words."

(Julian has been bringing his teddy bear Baby Love to school in his backpack this week.) Baby Love has ear chips. He can hear everything from inside the backpack. I have a microphone and we can talk with each other. He can hear everything in my class so he knows a lot. I don't have a Far-Away System so he can't hear from home. It only extends to about the school grounds.

Baby Love is singing Grandpa's favorite song! "zippity doo dah, zippity ay..."

(Julian has been carrying around a small ball of blue fuzz in his pocket that he says is a piece of the sky. He apparently grabbed it while jumping on the trampoline.)

I think of these like red crystals, Mama. Don't they look like red rubies growing in a cave? (pomegranate seeds)

AND I JUST FOUND THIS SERIES FROM 9/12 THAT I FORGOT TO POST THEN:

This huge sunflower is the logo of my writing. On cards, I usually put it on the back.

I'm going to get a quarter cup of poo for my recipe. It's not for humans, it's a recipe for flies.

(Prior to Tobi's Star Wars birthday party)
Suzuki: Julian, let's wash you hair.
Julian: We don't need to. It'll look more Star War-ish. Because Jedis' hair is more dusty.

Julian: Did you know that if there's a crack in a cord, it doesn't matter? Do you know why? Because the electricity doesn't stop just because there's a crack. It just goes through if there's something covering it.
Suzuki: Why are you thinking of that?
Julian: I was just thinking about electricity. And electrical tape. And cords.

Did you know you're always touching something? Even if you're naked and you're jumping, you're always touching something.

Are there elements that haven't been discovered yet? (Yes.) Are they in places that are hard to get to, like big caves?

(Julian was snickering to himself.)
Suzuki: What are you thinking about? What's so funny?
Julian: Oh, I was just thinking something funny. I was thinking about some flowers that are electric and they sway back and forth, like there's wind. And the petals are going around like those windmills and they're making the wind!

Sing it again (and again), Sam.

Julian wearing the groom's hat at Marla and Bruce's wedding

I know someone who wore the same socks for eleven days and I think he wore them longer but I can guarantee he wore them for eleven days.

J: (sigh) I can't wait for school to get back. I like camp, but I like school better.
S: What do you like about it?
J: Learning.
S: Learning is pretty exciting.
J: It's more exciting for me than some. Tobi and I both love learning. Tobi is better than me at math but we're about the same in reading. Tobi is really good at explaining math. He is really patient, not like me. You have to be really patient to explain about math.

(at the hospital with his grandpa):
S: You could go run around outside now.
J: No, I'm staying with Grandma. Where she goes, I go.

If you sing a song, always sing it three times. Once for the people before you, once for the people now, and once for the people who come after you. (I assume Julian picked this up from his nature camp, where they have been learning Native American traditions and skills.)

Suzuki: If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?
Julian: I think my life is perfect the way it is. (pause...) I would have more playdates.

Julie is the same age as Janusz. She is really funny and bright for her age.

J: What should we talk about?
S: The meaning of life.
J: No, let's talk about what I should do for work.

(Perhaps auto mechanic? My car's "check your tires" light went on a couple days after I had my car serviced. I said, "Darn, now I have to go back and have them check my tires." Julian said, "They probably just forgot to reset the button after checking the tires. I know how to do it. There's a RESET button in the little trunk that's in front of the passenger's seat (the glove compartment) and you just push it." He had read it in the manual. And it did work!)

IRISH WRIST WATCH

Today, I was reading about this volcano that's been erupting in Hawaii for 30 years! The lava is oozing out. It's not one of those with explosions--it's oozing out into the ocean. It's the only place that new land is being created.

Suzuki: Your face got skinny since you've been so sick all last week.
Julian: I know. I like it better because it looks more like a head instead of like a ball.

The hole on the top of the whale used to be its nose. It moved back over time.

Say this five times fast: IRISH WRIST WATCH!

The funniest thing would be to put a bunch of clothes on the ceiling fan (blades) and then turn the fan on. Maybe we could do that for my birthday party.

Did you know that blood isn't really liquid? It's those little round things that are kind of flat. (Suzuki: Blood cells?) I saw this thing that was as small as a blood cell that had arms that held the cell and a thing came up over the top and gave it a shot! (A tiny robot.)

Come on, Smiley Face! Let's drive the plane to Mexico. But first we have to stop at a couple other places to help with the violence. (Suzuki: We can help stop the violence?) Yes, with our smiley faces and other stuff.

I can't wait until I can drive. Anyways, I already know how.

I found something to make my hair look good. Orange juice! [He's been "styling" it with juice from school.]

You know how in Mexico, the graves have those little pots for flowers? If you had a grave there, I would plant flowers for you and take care of them and water them every day. I'd make a little sprinkler system.

I really like this bracelet we made at Nature After School. It's (braided) deerskin. They rub the animal's brains all over it to tan it.

Tobi would make an excellent school teacher. He's got lots of patience!

Suzuki: I can't play catch with you now because I have other fish to fry.
Julian: I can help you fry them! I can help you with anything you're doing.

(While discussing the fugitive Dmitri Storm): When he was young, did he know he was going to be a robber? How did he become one?

Slow Food, Julian Style

I got inspired yesterday in Miss Julie's class. I made a tree with lots of texture on it and my friends said they really liked it and so I got inspired to make Baba a tree for his birthday.

Baba has such a small repertoire. He has so many clothes that he never wears.

I am a really good origami person.

Mama:  I'm not made of money, you know.
J:  I know you're not made of money, you're made of music.

I like how the flavors in this soup go together. Nothing like pops out. It's not black and white.

Mama:  Julian, I like that little theme you composed on the piano.
J:  When you get good at photographing, we'll make a movie and I'll write the theme song.

Sometimes I catch myself doing something random.

Don't eat so fast. You'll be able to get more taste out of it.

Mama:  When are you going to be grown-up enough for us to get a new table (that you won't scratch)?
J:  In three weeks, two days, at ten o'clock and 50 seconds.

Let's make a human knot.

A triple-sound-proof room will be required.

When I die, I know what I want to do with my body. I want it to go to a party for me.

Suzuki (watching Julian chop bok choy): So, are you "knife-certified?"
Julian: Yes.
S: So, you got certified at camp?
J: No, I just got good at it in my "late six."

(Hugging Mama) We agree on this.

S: You have a pretty good vocabulary, Julian.
J: I use words even if I don't know them. I just estimate what they mean.

Janusz: Everyone has a TV.
Suzuki: Not everybody.
Julian: Not old-style people, like us.

I went from dancing to laughing to coughing.

We can build a machine that brings David and Julie over every day. It goes really fast. It breaks first, then you start flumping along and then you fall out, then you get back in. And you make sure your instruments are all OK and you start up again and you go flumpety-flumpety-flump until the thing breaks. And then you're here!

I'm your "eggy."

When I have kids, I'm not going to tell them about sugar. I'm just going to feed them healthy stuff.

Julian(discussing what instrument he'll play when he's in 5th grade): How about the fog horn? That's cool. I would play in a triple-sound-proof room, but the whole world would shake! Uh-oh, the earth is no longer in the sun's orbit!

Let's do some really good snuggling. (Hugging) I'm giving you all the love I have for you. All my love.

A barnacle-made-for-two.

You know what I'm interested in and like to think about? Getting all of the somethings in the world and putting them in one place. Like all the chickens in the world. Putting them here. Maybe one flock of chickens would take up our whole living room.

You are the socket of my eye.

I can't be a foot away from you, Mama. Let's be a barnacle-made-for-two.

Let's just take our hate and put it in the garbage. Actually, the compost, so it can turn into something good.

[dressed up with a tie and pin-striped vest] I'm a hotel manager! (What do you do as hotel manager?) I...uh...look for walls that aren't that good and I replace them. I use a sledgehammer!

You know what I want for my birthday? A sledgehammer.

[at the Food Bank, in honor of MLK] We're not leaving until this place is BLAZING clean!

I'm going to have 100 kids. And Mama, you will have to make breakfast for them. Actually, you'll only have to make one and there will be 99 robots to make the rest.

[at the end of our See-if-you-can-get-out-the-door-to-school-without-anyone-yelling Contest] Mama, it succeeded! I'm out the door!

VIDEO: How to Tie a Tie, starring Julian.

I think this was the nicest day of my whole life.

Can we please listen to some Irish tunes? I need some Irish tunes.

I know a lot of tunes. Baba thinks they all sound the same, but they don't at all. They're completely different.

I want us to have a laughing party. The goal is to have everybody laughing at the same time about the same thing. First, you have to get your tummy muscles warmed up!

I had a funny dream. We were hiking and saw mushrooms floating in the air. The kind that have dots on them. When they were babies, they were in the ground. Then they started floating...

It's funny how shoelaces are really only shoelace.

I think this was the nicest day of my whole life. [Mama gave him a haircut, then took him to get ice cream at The Scoop except they were intercepted by a free horse-drawn carriage ride through town first. Later, they went to a big pierogi-making party with Janusz's band of Poles.]

I like to burp as much as I can.

This pocket is soundproof.

I know how to tell if the tooth fairy is real. First, you don't tell your parents when you tooth is wiggly. Then, you don't tell them when your tooth falls out, and put it under your pillow.

Mama, how does this (something on the stereo) work? Oh! Wow, by just following my brain a little bit, I figured it out.

In wonder if those dials (car speedometer and RPM-ometer) have motors, or if they work by pressure.

This pocket is sound-proof. Really, it is.

(At Mama's office): Your work is like magic.It's like magic to me, Mama. I might work here when I'm old.

It's three to two. I hope you win the next game and then we'll have a tie again. That was fun.

(Referring to his first adult tooth coming in, and the fact that it's more jagged than his baby teeth): It shouldn't be like a pizza cutter--so smooth--it should be more like a wood saw.

Bonus exclamation from Mama's visitng mom: Oh Golly Moses!

We are scientists.

We are scientists. We see interesting stuff where other people see yucky stuff.

(Before falling asleep): What's the tallest thing in the world? How do you squirt a tomato? Sometimes I want to talk, but I can't think of a subject to do, so I talk about the first thing I can think of, like "how do you squirt a tomato" or something.

(In Yosemite, after a very long hike up to Nevada Falls and back, Julian looked tired and Janusz said, Poor Juju. Julian replied): I'm not poor. I have a good Baba, a good family, and more than one good friend. I'm not poor.

So, who's going to win the election? Will there be some big parades when someone wins?

I wish I had more homework.

This one doesn't make sense to me. (During connect-word-to-illustration homework with the word "jet" and a simple drawing of an airplane.) Because it doesn't have any jets.

I know a way to wiggle your tooth. You put your finger on it and take a ride in the car and it get wiggled. (Lost his first tooth 10/16/12)

(During family house cleaning):  I like doing little things like polishing. It's actually kind of fun for me. I'm just that kind of person. I like the kind of things like polishing or vacuuming, but I don't really like putting stuff away.

My favorite cleaning house sport is vacuuming.

A lot of people have trouble starting to clean. But a lot of times, you just have to convince your body to do it and then you can do it pretty easily. Can I go biking now? I certainly deserve it.

If there was no gravity, people would just float around and we couldn't control ourselves. So, it would be cool if we had little jets in places so that we could turn (sound effects).

Make mine a double.

When I'm old enough, can I take one of your jobs?

Julian: I had a double ice cream today. I've moved on to double ice creams.
Suzuki: What did you have?
Julian: I got vanilla honey lavender and mint chocolate swirl. I didn't really like the chocolate one.
Suzuki: Why not just get both scoops with the vanilla honey lavender?
Julian: You can DO THAT?!!

I'm so glad you are my mom!

S: Who do you want to have over for your birthday?
J: Tobi, Cordelia, and Zane.
S: OK.
J: (pause...) And later I want to have another, bigger party with lots of people!
S: Oh, you're just thinking of the presents now...I don't think we really need to do that.
J: (smiling) Yeah.

Julian: Maybe we should wear goggles to cut the onions. (They worked great!)

(One day, Mama was struck by Norovirus, or something like it and Julian stayed at her side, providing constant care.) Mama, is there anything you need? Would you like a glass of water? I'll get you a towel.(He got me ice, made me tea, and much more. That night, before going to bed): You don't have to leave me asleep tonight. If you need ANYTHING, just wake me up!

Blind dogs and optical illusions.

Did you know that some dogs guide other blind dogs? That have a special leash between them.

Never say never...oops.

Juju: How old is your car, Baba?
Baba: 14.
Juju: It's a teenager. Do you think it will get to grow up?

Suzuki: You guys should have come on that hike with me. I saw some cool tracks.
Julian: What did they look like?
Suzuki: They had three straight lines.
Julian: Oh, I know what made them: Yodas.

That (long, black) dress makes you look taller. Some people might think you grew!

Julian: I'm always on-call.
Suzuki: For your job?
Julian: Yes.
Suzuki: What do you do?
Julian: I can't tell you, it's too complicated. I can't even sleep in my own jammies because I have to have everything on at all times.

What spell should I use to cool this barszcz (soup)? Coolamah, coolamah, coolamah...FEY!

I need one more hand for putting on the ketchup. I just need one more. I usually won't use it, but for ketchup.

You're making me itchy with your voice.

We're going to have one "pretend" a night. We're going to pretend going upstairs is part of it. We will pretend to sail into my room. We don't really have a space for you in the boat, so you will water ski on the side.

If you roast apples enough, it tastes like apple pie. And I think that's what we're going to do in Yosemite. Baba is going to try to remember.

[And I just rediscovered this photo of Julian's door and his old friend Lena:]

Flash Playdates and Mama Zombies

S: Tobi is coming over tomorrow for a playdate.
J: Sometimes I have like "flash playdates." Like I don't even know about them. Like flash floods in the desert.

(Tobi and Julian, Desert Explorers. Made at school.)

It's my "specialest" thing.

Tobi: It would be good if we lived in houses right next to each other. We would build a tunnel. We'd ask the government to do it.

Let me hug you! Let me dance you! Let me kiss you!

See Julian's first ballet recital!

Mama, I love you. I wouldn't be alive without you.

Mama, when you die, I'm going to make a sculpture of you with arms up to hug that has a motor that makes it move and says, "I love you, Juju...I love you, Juju...I love you, Juju..."

S: Julian, I'm going to need your utmost cooperation this week.
J: My un-most cooperation?
S: No, your utmost.
J: I'll give you my un-most cooperation. Here it is!

(Tobi made this telescoping Lightsaver for Julian.)

J: This light saver is good because it saves the light, so it saves electricity.Wow -- 360 million -- that's how much light it saved. 360 thousand light capsules!
Janusz: How long will that last?
J: About half a day. 360 thousand million trillion hundred -- that'll last one day. 360 thousand million trillion hundred scoillion, jillian, (etc.) -- that'll last a decade!

An apple a day keeps the doctors in a different country. No, in a different universe. A different galaxy. Maybe the Star Wars Galaxy...

S: Julian, do you want to see a video of yourself in the school play?
J: No, I know what I look like and I heard myself.

See Julian's desert school play. New, improved footage taken by Janusz.

You're the "loviest" mama I've ever seen. Because you love me so much.

Janusz: Julian, your science fair certificate has the same gold star as I got on my Juniper Networks certification.
S: Wow you guys, I guess I need to get a gold star!
J: Oh, I'll get you one. All I need is a rocket.

S: I like real clowns, but I don't like it when you clown around at dinner.
J: I'll be a real clown. What do real clowns do?

Hey Mama, we were on the same pitch, but we were saying different things.

You're the boss of carrying stuff up from the car.

I sprouted from the most beautiful egg ever.

(School choir performance line-up.)

with his good friend Zane

J: Tonight I don't want a book, Baba. Let's talk. I want you to tell me something interesting. Something that I don't already know.

Janusz: I'm very tired. I'm not sure I can think of something off the top of my head. If you have a specific question, I can try to find an answer for you.
J: When cars have front-wheel drive, how can the engine turn the wheels side-to-side and still make them turn around?

S: Julian, please sit down at the table.
J: OK, I'm sling-shotting myself there.

You try the Mexican chili hot chocolate first, and then if you can't describe it in a really good way, I won't have any.

See Airplane Lavatory Self-Portraits in the Flemish Style